We need to talk about Parental Stalking.

Stalking, tends to be focussed on one type in the media. Men grooming young people, or partners in an abusive relationship. The day after I wrote this piece, I saw this one on the BBC website

but it is defined as

Stalking is defined as a pattern of unwanted behavior, directed at a specific person, which causes that person to change their routine or feel afraid, nervous or in danger. Examples of stalking behaviors include: Repeated, unwanted phone calls, texts, messages, etc. that may or may not be threatening.

But it happens with Parents too.

If you know, you know.

They continue to watch.

Doesnt matter if you think you got rid of them.

They continue to watch.

They continue to search

They continue to find ways of interrupting.

When you close them off from your life

Even Parents.

They are desperate to know everything about you

They are desperate to be in the ‘know’

As the ‘trophy’ child they were desperate to show me off – so this requires information

The scapegoat child gets no time, is constantly harassed and their movements controlled

Happens to each child in different ways at different times.

They continue to stalk.

Doing so in the name of ‘We’re just looking out for you’

though more accurately its so that they can tell their friends about us, without actually having any contact

It’s stalking and harassment.

and its to unsettle and alarm.

Because, what they also do, is give away that they are looking.

They cant help themselves.

In fact they love giving themselves away…

Its like they want you to know that you’re still not safe from them.

Its like they want you to know that that you’re being watched – and controlled

Its like they still want to cause fear.

So they give themselves away.

‘I notice on facebook that…..’

or

‘I dont think you should be having conversations about ……’ – things that they obviously saw on a you tube channel.

or somewhere in an email – to you or to someone else.

They set up social media accounts, to keep an eye on you, changing them often.

It’s usually embedded in a different message, but they like to give away something to just let you know.

Of course if you dont know, you might think im being paranoid – but thats the thing, if this hasn’t been what you have had to deal with you’re not likely to get it. Parental Harassment.

Theres can be the weak mole in the family – usually the flying monkey

The one who maintains contact with them – enough so that their inch is a proverbial HS2 of a railway scheme.

The unsuspecting mole gets

‘We don’t hear from _______, have you heard from them’?

‘________ doesnt speak to us any more , are they ok?’

‘ Last time we saw _______, they we’re doing ______, is this still the case? ‘

‘I bet you’ve seen _____ since we have______’

The favoured child is only favoured whilst they are the sharer of information and does what they want.

The unsuspecting mole, faces the dilemma to say nothing. say no- and face a reaction. This can happen over phone, email or face to face- obviously. Or they give away all the information, because they are terrified too or that they cant see the issue for what it is.

‘But they’re worried about you’ you might say… thats what ‘normal’ parents might be like. It doesn’t work for the psychopaths and narcissist parents (or the emotionally immature as Lindsay Gibson writes). They dont possess these emotions in any genuine way- they worry about themselves and their reputation, they worry that they might be damaged, there is no genuine worry.

They use other family members to get gossip about the person they are trying to keep track of. They go as far as using friends in the same way, and social media.

They are probably reading this. And thats the thing, until you decide to hide everything and go completely underground they aren’t going to know. But what about living our lives and exposing them for who and what they are. Their behaviour is not my shame to carry.

Parental Stalking does happen, and its something we need to talk about alot more.

When it happens and you’re in the middle of it its terrifying.

Yes, of course they deny it…. but then again… part of their pattern is to deny things, misremember things…

So It’s time to talk about it, time to put it in the open.

Time to state the horrors of what abusive parents will do to their own children.

Has this happened to you? Have you experience of parents who stalk you?