A blog on 957,547 words.

I just did a weird thing.

I just added up all the total number of words I have written in blog form, and published since I started writing blogs in 2012.

No I didn’t do that thing. I didn’t open up every one of those 800+ blogs since 2012 and count all the words, who do you think I am? I’m not that weird, truly I’m not.

I just added up the totals that WordPress records.

Since 2012, there have been 957,547 words.

Well, actually, now thats 957,547 + 97 words, +1 for ‘words’ and + 3 for ‘words’ and and, and now another 7 + more for these too. (4)

957,547+1+3+7+4= 957,562.

I was hoping that when I started out this voyage of numerical discovery it would be a really significant number. Like a million. But it isn’t. And trust me, you probably dont want me rambling for another 957,562+37 =957,599 – 1000000=42401 words.

Its just a number 957,599 or it was 957,547 when I started this.

Thats a lot of words though isn’t it.

And thats not including the blogs that were too passive aggressive to ever publish (especially over on the youth work one) , or the ones I felt were way too vulnerable here, or actually ones I didn’t feel comfortable with, they stay in the drafts. So it may well be a million.

It’s not quite a million words. 11 years. Around 90,000 words per year.

It’s weird when I think about it.

Especially as I’m comparing it to other ‘art’ forms, this writing thing.

In the same time as writing these blogs, I have also helped to write a book, and one Youth work article, I also completed a Masters study and recently a level 2 in Counselling skills. I have done A LOT of writing.

I definitely didn’t start out when I wrote my first blog, on blogspot on the subject of cycling and spirituality, that I would end up here. 11 years later. I had no idea. It just sort of happened that way.

I’d like to say that writing is enjoyable. Actually, it is.

What I’ve also found is that writing helps me get things out, sometimes there’s a build up of information, thoughts and questions or ideas in my head and so it has helped me to write them out. Thats why there’s quite a few drafts, and quite a few that won’t see the light of day, my head might not always be the healthiest of places. Sometimes for me there’s a build up, like the cork in the bottle and I have to just start writing.

Believe it or not, there have been other times when I hadn’t written for weeks or months. Yes, actually that is the case. I slowed down big time when my personal life, and also my professional life has shifted somewhat.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that my writing has often followed my reading. In the same 11 years, I think I have read, at least 500 books. For most of the first 8 years these were all Youthwork, Theology, Community practice or Sociology related.. or Theodrama.. who could forget the Theodrama years… the books would inspire, as would the conversations I would have each day, with youth workers, lecturers, colleagues.

But now the books I have read have changed, I think I have only read 3 youthwork or theology books in the last 3 years, most of the rest are in the menu above, as well as Fiction. Yes, actually reading fiction too. Including the whole of Harry Potter, and almost all of Paulo Coelho books.

Life Spills. That sometimes describes my writing now, a lot more. Im thinking, or doing something, or learning about it, and when I write its like the spillage of those things, spewed from my fingers out wards onto the screen. Words. Spilling.

I wish I could say that I’ts from the soul, or heart.

Sometimes it is. I would love it to be more soulful at times.

But I know that sometimes I’m writing when I’m annoyed, and im in a churn.. and that churn spills over.

Sometimes I discovered something I want to share it.

Sometimes I discover something, as I’m writing it.

When. I. Realise. That. These. words. Are. For. Me.

And I have to stop.

Slow Down.

Listen to myself.

Because these weren’t words for others, they were for me.

And some of those 957,000+ were for me.

Like the one I wrote about Self-Care tips for youth workers for Lent. Every years since that one I realise quite how hypocritical that one was. Look here’s me with 40 ideas for you.. when I’m in utterly no place to do any of them, with self confidence, self respect at rock bottom and having no self awareness at all. All those could have been for me, and there were others too.

I now feel like I’m doing a Q&A about my blogging when actually I’m making up my own questions. Thats just the thing, who does a blogging Q and A anyway? Should I do it when I have 1,000,000 words, or when ive bored 1,000 people? Its not like I have a subscriber count like on you tube.

Another question that I am never asked is about what makes up a good blog.

The answer is that I really dont know. What I am finding is that if a good blog is one that is based on how many people click the ‘like’ button at the bottom of this one, then I get more ‘likes’ when I have been personal, vulnerable, and shared about life trauma, healing, vulnerability and recovery, than I did with youthwork, theology or community work.

What do I do it for?

Sometimes for you, the invisible you, the person who reads this. You are a WordPress reader, a Facebook friend, or a friend of a friend, or someone else that googled it. Talking of google, thats one way of getting extra reads and views. Its that title thing again. My most viewed in one day blog had a great 3 days and none since, my most viewed in all time asks the question ‘What role do young people play in your church’ – because all over the world, thats a pressing question in many churches, and its all over the world, I have views from over 200 countries.

Sometimes these are for me too, as I said above.

I was watching a you tube video earlier on photography. In it the guy said about how it takes 10,000 hours to finely tune a hobby or craft, like.. photography or something else, gardening or dance or fishing. So that got me thinking about not only how many hours id spent behind a camera (probably around 200-300) but then about writing. How many hours have I spent blogging, and what is the creative output of that in relation to the work that goes into it. I would be lying if I said that I didnt check the likes, comments or views, but what definitely surpasses all of these is when someone lets me know that I have helped them, encouraged them or enabled them to see something, or do something differently, in their professional or personal life, or both.

So, for almost 1000 actual blogs, and almost 1,000,000 words – how do even know if this is something I am ‘good’ at. Its not like there’s a gallery of them, or I can recount the time i made something significant within it.

Its not the numbers after all.

And a good blog isn’t a perfect one. Sometimes its a real one. Maybe its also one where im being more human, than being preachy. Maybe its not one that is too hard to read, I get it, honestly I do. My pain might not make good reading, unless you know, or you want to know. I cant tell you how to write, because I often dont really think about what im writing most of the time, and thats why I cant think of a good way of ending this weirdly self-referential reflective piece, as it could go on and on and on.

So what advice would I give someone starting out in blog writing.

Only do it if you love writing. Like anything. Love it or stop it.

Thats all I can say.

oh…

and if you got to the end, Thank you.

You made it to 958861 words.