James Ballantyne

Tag: health

  • Keeping it real, some days are like treacle.

    I had one of ‘those’ kinds of days today. The kind of days I used to have a lot of, and the kind of days I never used to notice.

    Today I had one of those days when I just felt a bit ‘meh’ a bit ‘unsettled’ a bit ‘I had expectations to try and do a bit of writing and creative thinking and it didnt quite happen and so I was a bit frustrated’ days.. and then I got frustrated, because I was frustrated….

    I sometimes call them ‘treacle days’ – just a bit stodgy, for no real reason, when nothing happens, just that there’s an inner fight.

    But I realise, that I dont get them very often. Which is a nice thing to be reminded of..and thats why they’re unusual and help me stay a little in check, a little moment to remember my vulnerable new humanness with all its emotions having space to play.

    But the reason I get them at all, is that I realise that I am in a good place generally, and that not quite every day can feel calm, can feel easy – especially creatively easy, not every day feels like flow. But thats the thing. Its because I now I feel more feelings, that I can sense that there’s something not quite right.

    It may be absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things, not a big problem, but thats not what my inner critic wants to hear…… and when it starts to latch onto the tiniest of anxieties, or self doubts, or moments…

    The everyday ‘recovery’ from childhood trauma, and the associated behaviours, continues to be a daily, ongoing piece by piece listening, attending and loving these wounded parts, even if they might just be a bit of frustration……unsettled……

    And so, in a way I realise that I am grateful for the treacle days or treacles moments, because its a part of me thats alive, its apart of me thats allowed and safe to be wanting to tell me something, or do something.

    What I used to have was continual un-dealt with bottled up emotions so that every day was painted in survival stony grey. No treacle days as there was no contrast, just stoic grey, avoidance and dissociation and self soothing one day to the next.

    And back today, what I stopped myself from doing, which I have done in the past is attach the frustration with negative self shame talk like this:

    ‘Ive done all this therapy and healing, I shouldn’t feel like this’

    but thats not the reality is it. Most days are good, most days I feel alive, whole and in the main secure.

    But there are treacle days. Even, actually especially in the process of learning to be our loving whole selves….

    And treacle days or hours that require a little attention, a little love, and little bit of gratefulness, for the feelings, and thoughts themselves.

    So , instead of continuing the inner self fight, I moved, I went out, and I took myself off out for a walk instead, breathed windy air and sunshine, watched ospreys land, and watched as the lizards moved around my feet.

  • Breaking the Silence: Men’s Mental Health Matters

    As men, we’ve been conditioned for generations to believe that strength means suppressing our emotions. We’re told that being tough, stoic, and unshakable is the ideal. We’re encouraged to “man up,” to push through pain, to avoid vulnerability, and to believe that needing help is a weakness. This outdated notion is not only damaging to our mental health, but it’s also limiting our potential to live fulfilling, balanced lives.

    The reality is that mental health struggles don’t discriminate based on gender, and emotional pain doesn’t go away by ignoring it. If anything, it grows in silence. More than ever, it’s time for us to dismantle the toxic expectations surrounding masculinity and embrace the truth: it takes courage to heal.

    Here, I aim to create a safe, open space for men to address their mental health, explore their emotional well-being, and heal from the burdens that have been weighing on us for too long. Today, I want to share why this journey is crucial and how embracing healing is not just a form of self-care—it’s an act of strength.

    The Invisible Weight: Why Men Struggle in Silence

    For decades, mental health awareness has been dominated by female voices, and while this is an important conversation, the men’s mental health crisis often gets overlooked. According to a 2019 report from the Mental Health Foundation, men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women, and nearly 75% of suicides are committed by men. These numbers are not just statistics—they’re real lives lost to a silent epidemic.

    Why does this happen? Why are so many men silently suffering, often without reaching out for help?

    The answer lies in the societal pressures and deeply ingrained stereotypes about what it means to be a man. Many men grow up in environments where vulnerability is shamed, where emotional expression is seen as a flaw, and where “being a man” means never showing weakness. As a result, men often bottle up their feelings, ignore their emotional pain, and repress their mental health struggles, leading to a build-up of unresolved issues.

    But this approach doesn’t just lead to tragic outcomes; it also prevents men from achieving true emotional maturity. It stifles personal growth, strains relationships, and isolates men from the support networks they desperately need.

    The First Step: Acknowledging the Need for Healing

    It’s impossible to start a healing journey if we don’t first acknowledge that something needs to change. And for many men, that means recognizing the emotional pain they’ve been carrying and giving themselves permission to feel.

    The healing process begins with self-awareness. Whether it’s experiencing anxiety, depression, trauma, or just a general sense of emotional numbness, the first step is often the hardest—admitting that we are not okay. This can be a daunting experience, especially for those who have been conditioned to believe that “real men” don’t feel or express weakness.

    But the truth is, acknowledging that we need help is one of the most courageous things we can do. It’s a sign of self-respect, a commitment to bettering ourselves, and an act of self-love. It says, “I deserve to be well,” and, “I’m worth the effort it takes to heal.”

    The Power of Vulnerability

    I know that for many men, the word vulnerability carries a lot of weight, often invoking fear or discomfort. We associate vulnerability with being weak or exposed, but in reality, vulnerability is an incredible source of strength.

    Think about it: vulnerability is what allows us to form deep connections with others. It’s what lets us be real and honest, not just with ourselves, but with the people we care about. When we embrace vulnerability, we open ourselves up to healing, growth, and authenticity.

    Opening up about our feelings—whether it’s to a friend, a therapist, or a support group—doesn’t make us weak. In fact, it does the opposite. It takes immense courage to confront and express the emotions that we’ve been taught to hide. Vulnerability fosters trust, self-acceptance, and meaningful relationships. It helps us release the burdens we’ve been carrying in isolation and invites others to do the same.

    Im hoping that by sharing my story, I’ve encouraged men to lean into vulnerability. It’s not about airing our weaknesses—it’s about recognizing our humanity and giving ourselves the space to be imperfect.

    Seeking Help: Therapy, Support Groups, and More

    The road to healing is not one we have to walk alone. In fact, seeking help is a crucial step in the journey. For men, this may mean attending therapy, joining a support group, or talking to trusted friends or family members. The stigma surrounding therapy for men is slowly changing, but it’s still a barrier that many men face. There is a misconception that therapy is only for those who are “broken” or “weak,” but that’s simply not the case.

    Therapy is a tool for growth, not a sign of failure. It’s a space where we can explore our emotions, process past trauma, and develop healthier coping strategies. It’s a place where we can challenge the harmful narratives we’ve been told about masculinity and build a more balanced, authentic version of ourselves.

    Support groups can also be an invaluable resource. Many men feel isolated in their struggles, thinking they’re the only ones going through difficult emotions. But when we connect with others who share similar experiences, we realize we’re not alone. Support groups provide a sense of camaraderie and encouragement, and they help men normalize the conversation around mental health.

    The Benefits of Healing: Personal and Relational Growth

    Healing isn’t just about alleviating pain, often its about facing it—it’s about transforming our lives for the better. When we take care of our mental health, we improve our overall well-being, which has a ripple effect on all areas of our lives.

    1. Emotional Resilience: When we work through our emotional challenges, we build the resilience needed to face future stressors. Rather than feeling overwhelmed or defeated, we become more equipped to handle adversity with confidence and emotional maturity.
    2. Stronger Relationships: Healing allows us to show up more fully in our relationships. We become better partners, fathers, and friends when we prioritize our emotional well-being. By understanding ourselves more deeply, we can communicate better, set boundaries, and foster healthier connections.
    3. Physical Health: Mental and physical health are deeply connected. Chronic stress, depression, and anxiety can manifest in physical symptoms like headaches, digestive issues, and fatigue. When we address our mental health, we’re also improving our physical health, leading to a more vibrant and energetic life.
    4. Purpose and Fulfillment: Healing helps us reconnect with our sense of purpose. It allows us to align our lives with our values and passions, leading to a more fulfilling and meaningful existence. When we take care of our emotional health, we can pursue our goals with clarity and motivation.

    Taking Action: How to Start Your Healing Journey

    If you’re ready to embark on your own journey of healing, know that you don’t have to have all the answers right now. The process can begin with small, intentional steps:

    • Speak to a professional: A therapist can help guide you through your healing journey with personalized support. Look for a therapist who specializes in men’s mental health or general emotional well-being.
    • Open up to someone you trust: Sharing your struggles with a friend or family member can help alleviate the weight of silence. Even if it’s just starting with one conversation, it’s a powerful first step.
    • Join a support group: Finding a group of like-minded men who are on a similar journey can offer camaraderie and solidarity. You don’t have to face your challenges alone. Andy’s Man club is one in the north east.
    • Practice self-care: Healing isn’t just emotional—it’s also physical. Take care of your body by exercising, eating well, and getting enough rest. Self-care routines create a foundation for mental and emotional healing.
    • Educate yourself: Read books, watch documentaries, or listen to podcasts about men’s mental health. The more informed you are, the better equipped you’ll be to navigate your healing journey. I can recommend a lot in the resources section on this blog.

    Final Thoughts: Reclaiming Your Power

    As men, we’ve spent far too long holding onto the lie that emotional pain should be hidden, ignored, or suppressed. But healing is not only possible—it’s essential. By embracing our vulnerability, seeking support, and taking responsibility for our mental health, we can redefine what it means to be a strong, resilient man.

    Healing is an act of power, not weakness. It’s time for us to break the silence, step into our full humanity, and heal—not just for ourselves, but for the generations of men who will come after us. Often its crisis that takes us to this point, or the desperate calls of a loved one to face things, maybe it’s time for you, to lean in to the possibilities beyond and break up the surface cracks and find wholeness underneath, beyond the pain.

    Remember: You are not alone in this journey. You are worthy of healing, and it’s never too late to start.

    Confession. This article is 90% written by GPT, with a few additions. I genuinely wanted to see what it would write if I asked it to write a 1500 word piece on Mental Health and Men. So here it is. Whether it’s from AI or from me, the message is the same though.

    Your Mental health matters men, and you change before you break, or it’s too late. Do it for you, and all you love.

  • Choosing a Life Beyond the News Cycle

    I was raised to believe that it was important to watch the news and stay informed.

    When my friends were watching the Simpsons, or fresh prince, or some other thing when they ate their tea in front of the TV.

    My childhood was spent watching…

    Blue Peter from 5.15pm or Crackerjack (and I was terrified of the gunge machine, I still dont know why , but I was)

    Neighbours from 5.35, or whatever the BBC used to fill that space before then, then because 6pm was always the time the ‘food’ was served, it was BBC news time.

    Nicolas Witchell, Angela Rippon, whoever it was, presenting.

    The 6pm news.

    From an early age, (im only 46) first memories include the Brighton Bombing, Mid nineties Thatcher, Poll tax riots, IRA bombings, conflict in Isreal, and then probably the event that captured my news attention and kept it for the next 30 odd years. The Gulf war of 1990.

    Then I started to do paper rounds, and I became the delivered of the news to people, and I got paid for it, and I read it. Slowly moving my attention from the back pages (sport, interesting) to the front (politics boring..then interesting..addictive)

    It was as if it was drummed into me that staying informed was important. Because this is what the routine was. 6pm news time. Bedtime as I grew older was ‘after the 9pm, or 10pm news’ The News dictated life events.

    The more we follow the news, the better informed we are and the healthier our democracy. This is still the story many parents tell their kids, but scientists are now reaching very different conclusions. The news, according to dozens of studies, is a mental health hazard’

    Rutger Bregman, Humankind, 2020

    Yet that ingrained societal view is still there.

    And I have no doubt that right now the media is useful, but until it gets a backbone, it’s merely a publishing arm of the political leader and their drama that is feeding it. And media loves attention as media loves drama. The spiral creates clicks. It’s not news when people do their jobs properly, it just doesn’t sell.

    The problem is that we’re in danger of forgetting the truth, and cultivating a life around the lies and responding to them. I can honestly say that BBC news 24 was on repeat hour by hour most nights for me, for about 10 years, in those days I would watch ‘ the news, sport and weather’ to switch off. Yet it was doing nothing of the sort.

    It was creating pathways in my brain of how I was seeing the world, negativity, conflict, competition, hate and lies, shouted by the loudest, ‘them’ and ‘us’, ‘othering’ – blame put on young people, poor people, everything a war, or crisis. Then the were the conversations about the news, so Question Time, or ‘This week’ or satire to soothe the news.’ HIGNFY’ or Mock the week’ – what a spiral!

    One of the things I noticed, when I furnished my new flat in 2019, and for the last 6 years, is that I dont have a TV.

    I proudly could say also that I didnt let a single spoken word of Boris Johnson or even in his first and now second stint as toddler in chief (TIC) of the USA, DT, enter the airwaves of that space, or my new one. I dont listen to the Radio either (and I used to have radio 5 on all of the time too).

    I would have thought that I was a kind of loony hippy by doing this, I get strange looks now ‘ what you dont have a TV?’ I also then get the ‘I bet you watch Netflix though, or something else.’ Nope, (You tube yes) its as if TV is meat eating and im now in some kind of weird ‘free from ‘ media diet. Maybe thats it. Maybe, by not having the news on, the radio on, and trying desperately to not a have a social media feed thats sharing responses, reactions, the consequences and the fears of TIC.

    Maybe thats it. Call me an idealist, Call me a dreamer, call me lost in a cloud of unreality. But news, drama, and TV is a choice. It might not feel like it, but it is. And powerful people are forcing its power on us all, and more often than not it’s making us sick.

    We are not rational enough to be exposed to the press

    (Nassim Taleb)

    Free from.

    Because yes there are horrible, nasty, challenging things in the world. There truly are, there truly will be, and the most awful are barely on the news. There are real things that require effort and time. Its no surprise that the increase hours of tv watching as culminating in societal loneliness, reduced volunteering and reduced community spirit (Bowling Alone, 1996). Social prescribing might not have been a required thing, but it is. There’s a need for doctors to encourage social being-ness. Lost connections increase depression (Johann Hari)

    Mental health charities might suggest a social media switch off. But that lets the deemed mainstream off scot free. It’s all of it.

    Note your feelings as you watch or consume it. Then how you react to others or what you need after it. If you’re not ok, then you’re not ok, and the news isnt there to make you feel good, it’s not its job, even if that lie of ‘being informed’ has been drummed into you.

    Mark yourself free from the news for a day, or two, or a week. See what that feels like. Because if you can do it, you might notice something.

    If it seems radical to switch off the news, then something is clearly wrong with society, and our view of what’s important. And trust me, its hard work to keep up, when its become a trauma bond of voyeristic proportions.

    It might sound like I am weak to not be able to ‘cope with the news’ as it’s a ‘little bit triggering’ , or im too sensitive. It not that at all. I have made choices to say no to the powerful forces of the media in certain forms, and go against the default flow of the news narrative. I think that makes me powerful.

    Free from. It’s not just the physical diet, or the spiritual one, it’s the media too. Boundaries are for all of these things, and in order for us to remember our own strength, power and immensity, ‘No’ when it comes to the media, is a stance.

    ‘They dont write the truth about us, so why should I believe what they say about them’ (Pride, the movie)

    Switching off, virtually completely was what I had to do, some of that was enforced, some of that was genuinely because I started ‘project James’ and began looking inwards, with therapy 6 years ago, and I realised that I just didnt have the energy, or even desire to listen, watch or engage anymore. It wasnt as important as me.

    And the news isnt as important as you either. It’s not real, and its lies only exist because enough people believe in them.

    And 6 years down the road, Im still a non TV news evangelist.

  • It’s not just Emotional health guys, it’s our bodies too.

    It’s not just Emotional health guys, it’s our bodies too.

    I hate Doctors surgeries, hospitals, and pretty much anything medical.

    It’s for a number of reasons.

    One being that I was told off for being ‘silly’ for the times I ended up hospital and wasting ‘certain’ peoples time, it wasn’t my fault that I didnt know what debilitating cramp was like aged 14 and I was red lighted to hospital for torn muscle, there were other occasions as a child too…

    Watching medical TV was horrible, especially Casualty and Holby city.

    There are probably other reasons too.

    Oh, yeah, like the times that ive fainted in a hospital.

    YES I FAINT IN HOSPITALS. AND GUYS I KNOW IM NOT THE ONLY ONE.

    Bet im not the only one reading this who hasnt…

    So.

    Yesterday I had to put my big brave boy pants on and make a call to the GP.

    My chest felt uncomfortable. Pain in breathing.

    It had been going for a few days, and I didnt want to put it off.

    What I realise, that all this talk of self-love and care, isnt just for emotional health, its for physical health.

    And what I am beginning to realise this year, is that all these challenges, physical and emotional, are opportunities for me to love myself into being a better healthier person (specific piece on this another time)

    So, like a brave little boy, I had a teary moment after the lovely GP receptionist booked me an appointment. And I said to myself ‘Its ok James, you will be looked after, they will care, you are not silly for making this call, you are brave and loved’

    After the GP, they sent me to A and E for more scans and tests.

    And I was looked after.

    And I had some lovely beautiful conversations with nurses and doctors throughout the day

    They saw that I was smiling and relaxed, and thought I was ‘refreshingly different’ … I took James version 2024 into the medical world.

    And yes I nearly fainted, but lied down quickly enough, just, and a nurse did say that it was usually the big hard men with tattoos that fainted… ‘not the soft sensitive types then’ I responded with ;-)

    In the process 3 ECGS later, blood tests and chest Xray, it was confirmed that I torn a chest muscle. But they were wonderful in checking everything to make sure.

    Which is sort of what I thought, as I had no worrying symptoms, eating well and as I told them, do meditation, breathing and am very chilled..

    I thanked all the nurses as I left, they wished me well, I was praised for my empathetic bedside manner, as a patient…

    In the process I had a good check over, with all those tests, and so, aged 46 im in a good bill of health, through 5 years of considerable emotional processing and life circumstances, which is definatly something good to know.

    I walked out of the A and E ward, thankful for the brilliant NHS, and proud of me for being brave, for obeying my body when it was telling me something was wrong, and pleased that although the doctors stole some blood (and painfully so) they didnt steal my well being and joy, in fact it was confirmation of a relief and also much more besides.

    So guys, I tell you this story about my day yesterday, because, we can be shit at doing this. I imagine we’ve been told we’re soft or silly for going to the doctors, or being weak for doing so.

    I tell you also as my Grandad was too proud to go to the doctors and died in the GP car park when he’d hidden that something that wrong for years, please dont be like this, please give others more respect and care for yourself.

    Our bodies are important guys, let’s love and look after them, more than we love our football teams or books or intelligence.

    Let’s get ourselves checked out, because we are important, and that includes our bodies.

  • Cooking and Self-love (includes recipes)

    I really enjoy cooking.

    Through Im not exactly sure where this enjoyment came from. Yes I learned to cook in my twenties, though I do recollect cooking at school and also making myself food at times from the age of 15-16. I do vaguely remember not being able to cook a roast dinner, but realising that I could cook other things at the time. In my Oasis gap year I remember some horrific cooking moments, but I dont remember what I cooked, but I must have done so.

    So, any way, bottom line, is it kind of just happened.

    Oh and I do remember the ‘cult’ TV programme at the time was ‘Ready Steady Cook’ , 30 minutes of supposedly spontaneous responsive cooking with chefs only being able to use the contents of a carrier bag… oh and an entire cupboard of butter, vinegars, oils, spices and herbs… so maybe this was one place where the interest was sparked…

    For as you may have read previously, it wasn’t as if I was blessed by growing up with someone who loved cooking, valued or delighted in it, in fact the opposite…

    Anyway, up to the present.

    I became a vegetarian over 3 years ago, a month after I moved into my own flat, primarily for health, cost, environment and also ease of cooking reasons. It had been something I had been close to being for a long while.

    One of the key learning points in the life journey that I have been going on, and it affects the way I treat my body, including what I eat, has been to value myself, and so generally I have tried to cook myself decent, healthy food, even if I am only cooking for myself on a day to day basis.

    That’s weird. Im not ‘only’ cooking for myself. I am not an only. I am important.

    Cooking nice food feels quite a therapeutic action, and equally cooking nice, healthy food that I can readily eat on a work day has been so important.

    What I also do is ensure that I sit up to the table to eat, as if to say the this is a good valuable practice for myself to value the routine of eating. I heard this tip years ago and have stuck to it, mostly.

    I also sort of accidentally discovered batch cooking. Although I have had a fairly good kitchen, I have only 2-3 pans, including my favourite, a large red cast iron pot that I bought for £25 (reduced from £110). Ive never had a microwave.

    Part of my cooking joy is to try new recipes, and be inspired by others. Like these sweet potato wraps which Christelle and I found the recipe for.

    Yet, a reality of day to day is that sometimes it is just easier for me to cook my staple vegetarian favourites. I usually ‘cook’ fresh on a Saturday and/or Sunday – and then I have 2,3 or 4 pots left over of each dish for the fridge or freezer, and this gives me meal size portions which I try and remember to get out the freezer on the morning, to reheat and add pasta, rice or potato to. It doesn’t always work like this, for example yesterday I cooked fresh. And maybe on my last working day of the week, used to be Thursday, is now Friday, I might cook something.

    I thought I would share with you a few of my ‘go-to’ dishes, that I would regard as vegetarian batch cooking. I pack my food usually with lots of spices. I have a cupboard full of them, but also sometimes I end of throwing away stale ginger or growing garlic, any ideas own what I can do to preserve these? – comments below – (chillis I freeze) .

    1. Frittata. This required me to purchase a non stick oven proof frying pan. For £10 in Asda. This dish , though hard to reheat the left overs, is great for using up things like onions, potatoes, green veg like broccoli, a chilli, and if ive optimistically thought at the beginning of the week that I would eat eggs, and haven’t, then all 6 eggs go in, and it tastes divine. The original recipe I saw for this a few years ago was with chorizo sausage, which I now obviously dont add, but, if I remember and have them I add vegetarian sausages instead. And dont underestimate how yummy this is cold the next day when out walking. Fry everything, add the eggs, cheese and any fresh herbs (rosemary or parsley are best) then bake. Careful of the frying pan handle, its hot. (I probably over scorched the broccoli on this one…)

    2. Sweet Potato Curry. Ill keep it simple, its this recipe. I stick to it, its phenomenal and I make this easily on a monthly basis.

    Delicious magazine Chickpea and Sweet potato curry recipe

    3. Some kind of vegetarian sausage bake. This doesn’t have a name, but its a combination of frying onion, garlic, celery and carrots, then peppers, adding this to chopped fried vegetarian sausages, adding spices such as paprika, smoked paprika, chilli, herbs, and lentils too, then tomatoes, chick peas and whatever beans I fancy, usually butter beans and kidney beans. This recipe ensures that one sausage pack can go 4-5 meals, and it has lots of vegetables, beans and lentils in it. It doesn’t look pretty, but then again, not everything has too. Reheat, with pasta or potato, and add cheese too…

    4. Vegetarian Chilli. Same as beef chilli but with Quorn Mince.

    5. Lentil and vegetable bake. The recipe for the end of the month, when all I have actually left in the fridge is carrots, celery and onion – so they get combined, with lentils, stock, spices and puree, and then there’s 3-4 meals, to add with pasta.

    6. Vegetarian Ramen.

    Ok so not strictly a batch dish, as realistically it can only be reheated fresh, But this is good for the increase vegetable and egg content, for vitamins and protein. I make this a variety of ways, so its difficult to describe. Usually fry onion, ginger, chilli, maybe fresh coriander, add Chinese five spice and soy, add stock, simmer, add veg like peppers, broccoli, carrots. Pre boil eggs and if feeling adventurous fry some pak choi. Then either add to the liquid on pack of noodles, or boil these separate. Serve by putting some soy in a bowl, add liquid/veg, then noodles and eggs, pak choi and then top with coriander, green onions, sliced chilli or dried chilli…

    It’s not a quick dish, and yes its on the more expensive, though it doesn’t use any vegetarian ‘meat’ which saves a bit of money. Neither doesn’t it reheat that well compared to the others, the best way ive found is to just keep the ‘juice’ and freshly boil the veg and noodles each day.

    As well as cooking food, watching food shows has been something ive done a lot of for a number of years, maybe that’s for another piece. This one is a bit of a crossover of reflecting on how my cooking reflected my internal view of myself, how I had to internalise feelings of positivity for myself, my body and health and then my eating habits changed considerably. Other ‘diets’ I tried did work temporarily, but many of these were from a place of self denial. I was also inspired by this short piece on the BBC yesterday on batch cooking, so I thought id share what I do, and also ask for any inspiration from you for vegetarian batch dishes I could try, please do comment below.

    I love cooking, please do inspire me with your food and photos!