I grew up with a weird knowledge of bricks. Not that it helped me to create anything other than Lego houses, or follow the instructions on Technic lego, creativity beyond the lego house a rarity, I mean who didnt want a perfectly comprised T shape house roof with all the red roof tiles in the right place? Oh just me then, anyway…
I knew about bricks, because the bricks that made my childhood house, and the streets near to it, were from a brick works that historically had been in the 1800’s next to the house. It was covered over to be houses and a park by the 1950’s, but my parents house and the street were a remnant of the industry, built in the 1800’s and photos from that time showed the house, as it was the largest and probably the brickwork chairmans house. Bricks.
And there were tons of them in the garden underground, so much so that they could be turned into things. I couldn’t tell you exactly, what my dad turned the found historic bricks into, but im sure there was plenty of items, like garden walls and various other things. Bricks were heavy, and bricks had a name etched into them, a print from the manufacturer thats all I remember, and all that’s relevant for now.
Fire also played a part of my childhood, not only was there an open fire (with a brick hearth) in my lounge, but I also the experience of fires at Scout Camps and various other occasions. Just hold that thought.
A book that I have read and read a number of times in the last 4 months has been ‘The Untethered Soul’ by Michael A Singer, its been a brilliant read, and reading it alongside John O Donohue’s Anam Cara has been enlightening, deep, searching and healing (I recommend both). One thing I really like about Michael Singers book is that not only does he talk about consciousness, he also describes energy and having inner energy. Stating quite rightly that there’s far far more taking about outer energy, than inner energy, and that there’s vast resources of inner energy to be set free into our lives.
I was playing around with this image of inner energy, im doing a lot of free writing at the moment, journalling, just writing, and giving this image of inner energy space to indwell.
I was picturing this inner energy not unlike the earths molten core, that fiery, hot, burning inner heat, and how this might actually be close to the inner energy within the human heart and soul.
A sustaining heat, an explosive heat, a heat that exposes through the weaknesses (hot springs/volcanoes). A hot fire, a pure fire, a fire of love, of creativity, a fire of justice and kindness, of growth, deep inner power, strength to do, for passion and compassion.
A molten ball of pure love that indwells the human soul. A fire of love that seeks to caress the wounded human heart.
I didnt know I had this.
I had never felt this.
And I’m sure I am not alone in this.
As Singer writes, the edges of the energy get crusty, tainted, and dampened out.
Like bricks.
Childhood (emotional) abuse doesn’t give the chance for there to be any fire at all, it’s destroyed and taken from birth.
And once stolen, dismissed and belittled. The fire that could have been there is replaced by bricks.
Imagine bricks that have been etched not with the manufacturer, but all the ‘things’ like shame, doubt, fear, ‘sinfulness’, expectation, judgement, feeling small, neglect, undeserving .. I need say no more.
Imagine the bricks start piling up, and that pile has been growing since before you knew that they didnt need to be there.
Imagine the writing on them gets more deeply chiseled. Those words shape the bricks.
Not only do they hide the fire, they get hot too, those bricks are hot holding the fire down.
So, a question; if you have no knowledge of the fire within, the energy within, what do you think you are?
Because my friend, you are not deeply engraved heavy bricks of negative things, even if some of the most important people to you have placed them there, even if you have believed in a religion that may have told you of your sin and shame and not your core love and power.
No, you are not these things. You are not the brick words.
Those bricks are tormenting you, making you believe that you have to be someone to please people, you dont deserve love, that you are hollow underneath, or that love, deep inner love is in any way conditional. Bricks that cover the fire can be anything, anything you cling to to distract from accessing it, including monetary and possessions.
When you are none of these things.
You have a fire beneath the bricks. You have a deep energy within.
Thats who you are, Thats who I am.
That energy wants to flow
Sometimes the fire breaks through, causes disturbance because something isn’t right.
Problem is that I was led to believe that I was just the sum of bricks too, until the last few years, I had no positive concept of the inner me, and avoiding it (because I thought it was dark/hollow) like not wanting to touch hot bricks that spelled out what I believed myself to be, and what I had internalised from others. A heart of bricks and stony on the outside.
But I am not these things, and neither are you. It’s time to believe, that you are an amazing, beautiful human.
That’s amazing beautiful human..full stop.. no ifs, no buts, its not depending on what you do, what you say, its just true, now, today this moment. I know, I wouldn’t have believed it either, I didnt trust it when someone said it to me.
It’s easy to believe the bricks when there wasn’t any knowledge of the core pure fire within. It’s time to doubt the bricks, its time to resist allowing the bricks to be placed on the fire, it’s time to feel and let that fire be, burn and flow. Thats you.
Thats been inside you all along.
Even nudging the bricks a little, might start small fires.
Nothing is worth losing your inner energy.
Not now you know the fire within is your pure core.
It’s time to release the energy from within.
Breathe, Feel, release, and let it rise from within.
Time to live, time to do life. Time to be fire.
James Ballantyne 