Yesterday I shared one of John O Donohues blessings for the morning taken from his book ‘To Bless the space between us’; as I read the next few pages of his book this morning I discovered this, its entitled, ‘For a New beginning’
Maybe this is for you, maybe this is for me, every day is a potential new beginning, do share with others whom it may be helpful to.
Ive got to admit I didn’t really want to like Brene Brown.
Her name had been banded around for quite a few years, usually by the phenomenal women that I know…and on the ever shared many internet memes and quotes, there probably isnt a week that goes by when a Brene Brown quotation hasn’t crossed my path in the last few years.
But I didnt want to delve in to the Brene Brown popular phenomenon.
So I figured I didnt really need to read her books or listen to her stuff.
I mean, everyone is doing the self-help guru act and isnt she just like other people – an American female Matt Haig.
Im sorry to admit… I was maybe a tiny bit American self help prejudice…
So, dosed up with Lemsip, a laptop, and after a week of self reflection, I took a step of vulnerability and gave her TED talks a watch last weekend.
Opened myself up to the possibility of what she might be saying… 11 years after it was recorded… (up until last weekend my TED talk watching has included 5 in total I think – yeah I know)
I was pleasantly surprised.
Here was someone who spoke the language of academia – not mushy self help
(Then again would she be on a TED talk otherwise..?)
Here was someone who was both self effacing, witty and wrestling with herself in the process of the research
Someone who was warm.
Someone who spoke and made it possible for me to feel like she was talking to me—- oh hang on James, really?
Yes..because she was trying to hide herself behind her ego knowledge. Being known for knowing things.
And that was me.
The clever one at school – who couldn’t dance….who tried to do sports
The clever one – who found academia…
I was probably avoiding Brene Brown…because I kind of knew that I would like her, and like what she was saying, about shame, vulnerability and relationships.
She ends the second of her two TED talks with a shortened version of this quote:
What do you think of this quote?
I love and hate it at the same time. I love and hate it because it asks something
Its about showing up, with a raw vulnerable self
In my relationships with my wonderful partner, my fabulous children and also friends and my work colleagues
Not avoid the arena, to not just be the critic from the side (and isnt so much of media the critic?)
Its easy to stand from the edges and criticise – but life isnt a non participation sport – not life in its fullness
Participation in life is a messy action, where feelings are felt – not numbed…
Daring greatly
As Brene had done herself – from academic critical thinker, to therapy chair and breakdown (sorry, Spiritual Awakening)
So I was doing my best to stand on the edge of the arena when Brene Brown is on the stage, and her books are available. Rather be the critique from a distance, than entertain the possibility that id be vulnerable to admit resonating and liking what she might have to say.
Theres something else too. Its not just about showing up on the arena, in full view.
Its about showing up to ourselves.
When the only critic is ourself – often the worse critic of all
The one critic that we might need to talk to as much as the external critics too. Tell to STFU every now and then.
So, thank you Brene Brown. Thank you TED for being an incredible resource on You Tube, Thank you 5 days of cold/flu which has given me time to delve into them.
I got you wrong Brene, and I’m grateful that I found you at the very right time. Vulnerability and Shame might be what the next phases of my life are about. So, thank you.
Have a look on TED for Brene yourself…I dare you greatly…
James Ballantyne 