James Ballantyne

Tag: self-talk

  • Who’s telling who?

    Who is it speaking?

    And who is it listening?

    Who is it hearing?

    and who is communicating?

    What happens when

    ‘I tell myself’

    Who is the I, and who is the myself and who is the one that sees this happen?

    Who is the I that thinks, who is the I and who is the my (self)?

    Am I the ‘me’ who tells?

    Am I the ‘me’ who listens?

    Who am I telling?

    Is my head, telling my heart, or vice versa?

    Who am I, beyond the telling and listening?

    Something beyond…

    Something beyond…

    And if that is me, what can it hear anyway?

    Does the soul have ears?

    So if I tell my-self that I am enough, or that I am amazing

    or beat myself up – who is doing the beating?

    Who is telling who?

    or I set myself goals?

    Who am I then?

    Because if neither is me, what might this mean?

    Who are the voices?

    and…why do I listen to them?

    So much sound, inside my head, is that where it is?

    Sounds, unreal, telling me the story, making sense, but sense to who?

    I speak, to myself, therefore I am?

    I hear, myself, therefore I am?

    or, I am which watches, which is mystically beyond the voice?

    Who is it speaking, when I tell myself?

    Do I know?

    Do I know the listener, the speaker or the silent one that watches?

  • Loving ourselves through Healing

    Loving ourselves through Healing

    Be kind on Yourself

    Just be kind

    Soothe with warmth

    Be kind

    Be kind on yourself- when your mind is so focussed on the big things – you will put the recycling bags in the fridge or forget where you put your keys. Its what happens. We all do it. Be kind

    Be kind on yourself when you look past and see what you had to do when you were surviving, yes you got into a difficult relationship or made a weird job choice, but its ok, be kind, maybe even feel thankful for what was learned

    Be kind on yourself for turning up every day, for putting the effort in, to take responsibility, to give of yourself, say something kind about the effort you put in, be kind, be a coach and friend to yourself. Theres enough critics already.

    Be kind on yourself for reacting when you were tired, for falling into an old trap or default. Healing wasn’t going to be perfect, linear, easy. You started, learn, feel, recover, you were tired, give yourself a break. You can recover, its not square one..its the next step.

    Be kind to yourself when you speak to yourself. That critical voice is what’s stopping you from being closer to you.

    Put your hand onto your heart and say…I love you…

    Be kind on yourself.

    Stop pushing yourself, to an exhaustion you might not recover from next time

    Be kind

    on yourself

    Start to have words with the inner critic. Being kind to yourself, might mean being firm. Being angry. To make it disappear. To take power over it.

    Tell it to get lost. Tell it where it needs to go.

    Listen to a different voice. It does exist.

    Nurture yourself, don’t criticise yourself.

    Each hour, each day.

    Speak kind words.

    You did ok today

    You did more than ok

    You are ok as you are

    More than ok

    Because.

    You are enough

    You have a right to be kind on yourself

    You can play, dance and be silly

    You can

    Be kind, listen to your heart. Stop. Breathe. Be the you from your heart.

    Be kind on yourself.

    Love yourself despite your imperfections

    Do you not feel compassion for yourself as you struggle through life?

    You are so eager to help your friends, but you treat yourself so poorly

    Stroke your heart once in a while and say

    I

    Love

    You

    Haemin Sunim, 2012, The Things you can see, Only when you slow down.

    Nurturing is how we empower and energise ourselves. When we love, accept and nurture ourselves, we can relax enough to do our best. A bonus is, when we love, accept and nurture ourselves, we’re able to do the same for others..Loving and accepting ourselves unconditionally doesn’t mean we negate our need to change and grow..Its how we enable ourselves to love and grow

    Melody Beattie, 1989 , Beyond Codependancy,
  • Responding to the Treacle Days

    Responding to the Treacle Days

    What is black treacle and how is it manufactured today?

    Like wading through treacle.

    Trying to walk through fog.

    Every now and again I get one of these.

    Beyond the healing and surviving. Beyond the self understanding, and in the safety, peace, love of my new life.

    Maybe I thought i wouldn’t get these. Maybe I had a vision that once undergoing therapy, once with the tools in the box, life would be a continued breeze, one rainbow dance after the other.

    I guess once I stopped trying to survive – Ive started to heal.

    And healing is taking a number of methods.

    Healing is occurring, as I have had to get closer to the past I tried to run away from.

    A treacle day is when my brain is showing me things that its been holding.

    A treacle day is as when I have the emotional space to feel things I hadn’t felt before.

    Like grief the week before mothers day.

    Yesterday I had a dream about my High School – what does my brain have space to show me there?

    Its also my birthday week. So for some of mothers day grief, my birthday only brings me memories of embarrassment and disrespect, a chance for the traumatising to have centre stage.

    I thought I could avoid treacle days.

    Nope.

    Avoiding isnt healing is it. When I’ve been holding it, avoiding it, trying to forget.

    But I shouldn’t feel like this, I should be happy all the time, I have no reason to feel….no, I am healing…this is going to take time…I might ‘understand’ what happened to me, but my body has alot to unravel…

    So what do I do?

    Ive got to take my own advice haven’t I? 

    Breathe. Just stop. Breathe.

    Yesterday I tried to walk it off, walking, taking photos, and I was genuinely looking forward to a day in the sunshine, walking the nature walks, but when I woke up, post dream, it was a treacle day.

    That was the plan, original plan, but my mind had other ideas…I still took some good photos though…

     

    My head was spinning.

    Overthinking the fact that I shouldn’t be thinking this way.

    ‘Be kind to myself’

    I said to myself.

    Try and help myself realise that I am ok.

    And, that this is hard.

    Grief is hard.

    I could do some destructive things at this point, like be angry on the internet, get passionate about something. Distract. Get a whole load of sympathy from ‘the internet’ and bring others down to me. When actually it wasn’t what I needed to do with this.

    I did go shopping and buy myself some nice food – it is my birthday this week after all…

    Having space to heal, might mean encountering new parts my life that I didnt realise I had been holding. Might mean seeing the same situations each year in a new way.

    Somehow Ive got to get closer to heal from.

    Let it happen.

    Let the things that need to heal to be revealed

    Not run from them.

    Wade the treacle.

    Wade the treacle with a warm spoon so it starts to melt.

    (Fog lifts with the warm sun)

    A warm spoon.

    Speak to myself with kindness.

    Actually realise my mind is trying to help me be kind to myself.