I made the choice to stay in bed the extra two hours this morning
Then when I woke up I chose to have a shower
I chose coffee over tea
then cereal over toast, id have loved blueberries on it, but didnt have any (I couldn’t make that choice)
I chose to sit on the couch and watch the birds as I ate, instead of at the table
and now I chose to write about it
I chose all of these things, they were choices I made
I chose also to get up and not dwell and let the challenges of yesterday take over
I chose to respond by getting up
I chose. They were my decisions.
Ive just got back from a two week visit to the South west of the USA, to spend Christmas with my now fiancé Christelle, and it was lovely to be away, away from job hunting, away from family drama and away.
There was something that I noticed at the very beginning of the time that I was there. Something I hadn’t never noticed before, from being in other countries, Spain, Greece or Tunisia.
Crossing roads was weird.
Now I get the ‘driving on the other side of the road’ thing – that makes sense. That was easy.
What was odd and disorientating was that responsibilities and choices were different.
As I made intentions clear..(a choice) I didnt know what was expected of me – what the custom was – who had the right of way, who would look if they were in a car, and when a car might wait for me that I wasnt used to.
What I could chose and what I had responsibility for was blurred. It was my responsibility to look and pay attention, to learn the customs and not expect all the 5m drivers in San Diego to obey my road crossing rules. It was my responsibility to keep myself safe, and also keep Christelle safe too.
Choice and responsibility is changing on the UK roads too, and it was the circulation of this diagram on social media that provoked this piece
When I look back on my own life I can note the times when I have tried to cover up, our excuse the actual choices I made, in such ways as
‘I made a mistake’
or ‘The devil made me do it’ (when I was in a=n evangelical/charismatic phase)
‘that was a trauma reaction’ or
‘I didnt mean to do it’ (maybe followed by..)
‘Im only human…’
‘Im not as perfect as you think I am’
Its easier to hold someone else or something else responsible for your pain that to take responsibility for ending your own victimhood
Edith Eğer, The Choice
Trying to excuse, minimalise, convince the person I’ve hurt, or myself, that it wasnt me acting with responsibility in that moment. When the truth of the matter is, I made a choice. I cant say that I make a choice to have coffee at £3 in Starbucks every morning and then say ‘I made a mistake’ when I ran out of money, or I cant say that I make choices every day in my workplace, but only mistakes when abusing other people at parties. (though lets not confuse the issue further with the choices people make at work-parties, and their excuses afterwards)
Gary Zukav says this:
Each Choice that you make is a choice of intention. You may choose to remain silent in a particular situation, for example, and that action may serve the intention of penalising, sharing compassion, extracting vengeance, showing patience or loving. You may choose to speak forcefully, and that action may serve any of the same intentions.
Zukav (The Seat of the Soul)
He goes on to say that the splintered personality has many parts, each surfacing to fulfil the needs of the ego and what satisfies them. Eckhart Tolle writes:
If you had a choice, or realised that you do have a choice, would you choose suffering or joy, ease or non ease, peace or conflict? Would you choose a thought or feeling that cuts you off from your natural state of wellbeing, the joy of life within?
Tolle (The Power of Now)
When do I ‘take responsibility for choices’ or assign myself to the ‘poor me mistake maker’? – What positions to I take power in, what ones do I feel powerless in?
If its a choice- then I have to take responsibility for it – and not blame it away….facing that thought might be the most terrifying for all of us.
What consciousness (as Tolle would say) do I need to bring into situations so that I can see the light of what I do, as a choice , and make powerful choices even more?
Is there something different in the way we (Men) see the world – choices and responsibilities – than Women? Or given the greater awareness of abusive women in society than previously – is it something else? (just thinking out loud) Men are less likely to think about the consequences? – and this determines choice making?
Whether it affects it or not, We make choices. We can make good choices, to love, heal and joy – or we can make choices to hurt, confuse, damage and abuse. We can choose to love ourselves, and our world – or take from it and destroy. We can choose how we respond to oppression of poverty or war, we can choose. (The end of Poverty Safari by Darren McGarvey is very interesting)
I know there is more to write on this subject, and all three of the books I have mentioned are teaching and showing me more about choices and responsibilities, do give them a read. On Choice and responsibilities – what do you think? I know I haven’t covered the effects of trauma or medical diagnosis, or oppression in this piece, and so I know it is hugely complicated subject. I also want to write about how we have the power to choose our emotions, maybe thats in a follow up piece. Because, today I chose to get up, and chose how I might respond to today.
James Ballantyne 