Hey folks, I just wanted to write a piece about what’s been happening with me in the last few weeks and months as Ive realised that my writing on this blog has dried up a little.
One of the things that ive realised all along with keeping a blog like this going, keeping it interesting, honest and thought provoking – is that the subject matter , myself, can then take a bit of an emotional toll. I began to notice that some of the things I was talking about, i was struggling to actually do, and I was writing more than I was actually doing the hard graft to rebuild after trauma itself.
I also realised that I was sometimes veering on being too vulnerable about myself, wanting to share my story, share my healing journey, share my learning – like it was a new toy, like I was a new toy – with you all – but what that meant was giving myself away in a way that actually was something that I didnt and don’t need to do, in fact , in thinking about boundaries, about self care, maybe I shouldn’t.
Part of me too, was and is enjoying some new reading recently, reading that has given me some different insights on spirituality and recovery, and though its relevant I haven’t really focused on healthy spirituality in this blog too much and didnt want to share, yet.
So I kind of stopped for a bit on the personal writing front.
I also stopped because I just wanted a break as well. I stopped also because I wanted to spend more time doing, living and being me – and also time with my partner Christelle who came over to the UK for a week, a few weeks ago, and it was great to be present, to be together, and to be very much off my laptop, social media or anything for a few weeks.
I have also just started a Level 2 course in Counselling, and this has taken up a bit of my head space, the time of one evening a week plus the homework, and though its not too heavy a commitment, it is taking up, usefully some of my ‘non working’ time. Its a small step, but one that feels like im on a long path to further personal and professional development, within healing, trauma and what ive taken on board in the last few years. This too is a bit of a reason why I haven’t written for a while, somehow even small amounts of study writing at the moment are taking up a bit of emotional writing headspace.
I have always said, I would love to have other contributions from others who may want to share their story, of men talking about emotional and mental health, about the challenges that can be in professional and personal contexts, and the situations and family dynamics that we may want to shed light on, like parental or sibling abuse. Please do get in touch if you have a subject, a story, a piece that you would like to share.
I close by saying
Because, this blog has now been going for one year, and I am honoured that you have read pieces that describe some very difficult situations, some of my pain. some of my journey, and I am even more pleased that as a result you, or friends of yours have become more aware of relationship dynamics and started a process of healing through therapy and recovery.
Even with an almost 1 month break ive published 90 pieces on this blog, at nearly 2 a week, It was time I did slow down… but thank you for reading, sharing, liking and appreciated what ive written in the year!
There is no easy way to avoid dealing with the things we have had to go through. We have to go through them. Often death and resurrection are two sides of the same coin, or as I recently read in Eckhart Tolle – Despair and Enlightenment can often go hand in hand on the same path. If something I have written has caused you to see, even in the despair and brought you closer to enlightenment then thats so good. I hope so, and if you want to share, please do. Do send me a note or comment!
Can I promise more writing? Yes – im sure there will be, and my writing has emerged in bursts… but thats all for now, and so thank you, remember that you are valuable, that you do not have to pretend, to pretend to be the strong one, and also – if you cannot stop yourself from being ‘out of control’ and blaming others – then that can change too. Healing for men is about the ongoing awareness and healing for us all, regardless of what it is from.
James Ballantyne 
Leave a comment