Why its time to be kind..on the younger version of me

Sometimes I think about what my 42 year old self might want to say to my 8 year old self, or my 16 year old self, or the 28 year old?

Sometimes I wonder what I feel about the 8 year old, or 16 year old, 28 or 42 year old?

Sometimes I wonder if I could say anything, would it have changed anything- and if it did, would I want it too?

Do I look back with regret

With anguish, pain or embarrassment?

Do look back and be annoyed at what I could have done differently?

Or do I look and see

that

all I was trying to do was survive

and protect myself

and somehow make something out of life

Can I look back and see the missed red flags and think I could or should or would have done differently?

But how could I know, if I couldn’t see

Would younger me, like to know about the current version, because one day he gets there

What does present me need to be reminded of, when younger me comes into view

That he was scared and scarred and in pain too

So what could he do?

A bundle of pain, shame, guilt and pretence

Nothing. He couldn’t have done anything.

Living a grey life, forgetting the dreams.

The Butterfly is grateful for the frumpy caterpillar

The Tree, for the acorn

I cannot go back to younger version of me, but

I can be and kind to he, and I am to me

I can have grace and let it be, let it go

I can just say, that my inner child, its time to be free

I can just say, its safe now to grow

Love myself now, love the me then

Its time to just be.

Here in the moment

Love myself now, and love me from then

Love myself now, and love the me new

Rest in the version I currently am.

So, you did good, aged 8,16 or 28 – there were positives too

You made decisions to be good, to learn and to grow

You had courage and strength, and despite what was lacking

Theres stuff to be thankful for, in amongst all the storm.

Don’t look back in anger, I hate that song.

Instead, Be kind

on the previous version of younger little me.

So what would I now say to, that younger version of me?

What do I feel about that version of me?

It might be nothing but admiration, pride and respect, instead of regret

pain and embarrassment.

Time to accept, time to thank, time to be.

Im finally me.

Matt Haig, The Comfort Book, 2021