Its ok for men to cry
Is said often. But I was wondering whether its said too often, without any thought about the complexity of this.
I wonder if it’s said too easily.
I wonder if women need to hear this message too.
So its not just men who need to hear that its ok to cry.
But its not just ok for men to cry. It should be ok for men and women to express their emotions.
It should be ok, but often it isnt.
Its not just men that have trouble expressing emotions.
Its not just men but women too who have been unable to express emotions because its has been unsafe too, since birth often.
Cant get them out.
Cant show them
Cant be seen to be not in control
Cant be ‘not the stable one’
Cant be the one who has to rely on others
Cant be the one that doesn’t look like they are coping.
Cant be the one who is vulnerable
Cant be the one who isnt holding things together
Because. Men do cry.
They cry when their team gets relegated.
They cry at movies
They cry.. with other men, when..everyone is crying.
So they do cry.
But maybe its that we men find it difficult to cry about something relating to ourselves, or..in front of the people who we’re meant to be responsible for, emotionally.
Its not as straight forward as to say that its ‘Ok for men to cry’ – we need to ask why, and not blame men if they cant
Tears are good- and it shouldn’t be judgemental for men to cry
Its ok to acknowledge and feel the pain, when it hurts
In fact, we need to feel it.
Feel the pain of being unloved, neglected or abused, by parents or partner
Feel the pain of death, grief and loss
Feel the pain of bereavement, unemployment, and yes the disappointment of the football team.
Its ok to feel
Its never ok to take that feeling out on others.
thats why we need to feel the feeling differently, by feeling it.
Want to be a strong man? Then manage your emotions and self.
Its not ok to try and hold things together whilst wounding everyone around.
So…let me ask..
Who were your emotionally aware role models? When were you given the opportunity to begin to master your emotions healthily?
I wasnt – but were you?
Not until therapy a few years ago.
Where might you start now? A therapist? A book like ‘The Power of now’ – its just a start remember..but maybe start..
Men, its ok to have emotional needs, and wants and to admit it – as it is for Women too
Its ok to stop and feel
Its more than ok.
Its more than ok and be the best version of you, that is real, that feels, from deep
Its ok to let your body feel. To let it well up, and start to feel it.
Maybe its not that Men, or women are ok to cry – but more to clock where and when they do.
There are those who really cant though, and if you’ve followed my stories above, you wouldn’t be surprised to know that some peoples tears ive seen are crocodile at best.
Tears cleanse. They release. Bringing out emotion from the heart.
Maybe thats it too. We’re ok too cry when our team is relegated, but not if we’re heart broken by loss or bereavement.
Maybe Healing for Men is about realising that those phrases are complicated. Of course its ok that men cry, healing and being the best version of ourselves is about being closer to the pain of our bodies, our emotions, and learning to accept, feel and manage our emotions.
And yes, often we can be in charge of others emotions, but have barely stopped to deal with our own.
Maybe its time to not pretend that we’re ok any longer. To avoid, run or try and bulldoze our way through the pain.
Maybe its time to start working on ourselves
For our sake. Because we can do better.
Because we can love ourselves, even if we’re trying to after not being loved.
We can feel feelings too. I can feel feelings too.
Learning to cry, and be angry…also means we can feel the happy, the joy and the pleasure alot more easily, and dont you want that in your life too?
Our emotions can be rollercoasters, and thats ok, staying on a level plane is causing us more pain.
Take a moment.
To feel.
The real you.
James Ballantyne 