When the battle for our mind shifts

You must control your mind Harry, don’t let Voldemort find his way in to control you

That was one of the main weapons that Voldemort used to control Harry. He got into his dreams, he got into his mind. He set up scenarios so that Harry would jump to the rescue to be the hero.

It was a battle that Dumbledore, Snape, Ron and Hermione tried to encourage Harry to put a stop too in most of the last 3 Books.

Control your mind Harry.

Control it. Dont let him in.

Dealing with an abuser is a battle of the mind.

They torment dreams. At unlikely moments cause pain in the forehead, the ears, the mind.

Shock. Terror. Fear. Shame. Guilt.

Harry had to try, and was largely unsuccessful in controlling his mind.

When we’ve been in traumatic incidents our minds are affected. Fragmented, Damaged.

We also over think the situation. At least I have done in the past. Mind not stopping. Its as if the abuser wants to keep that part of us guessing. Keep that part of us moving all the time. Second guessing their behaviour. Relaying the wound of a previous torment back into our bodies, adrenaline. Vigilance. Scared.

Control your mind Harry.

When we’re over thinking…how are you breathing? How am I breathing..what have I noticed? I stopped breathing, I need to start..but..slowly…

What else do I notice?

I can’t think straight…I cant think of the possibilities..Im in fear, terror, react, fight, flight, freeze response… I cant breathe..

You must Control your mind Harry….

Dont let Voldemort in….

But then something strange happens.

Gradually, as Harry works out the patterns, Gradually as Harry works out Voldemorts weaknesses, Gradually the game shifts.

Harry deliberately opens his mind. Because thats where Voldemort reveals himself. Thats where Harry can see what he is up too. The power shifts.

Harry has the power, in his mind.

He has worked out the patterns, Harry is stronger, Harry isn’t reactive, that which Harry has been abused by, is what Harry uses to assume control and power. He sees it and Voldemort for what he is. Harry has also learned not to react immediately. Hermione slows him down.

Once we see the same patterns of our abusers we can see the way out. They have, largely the same patterns. They often rely on our immediate responses, responses out of fear, guilt or shame. Most of the time no response, or no, will reveal them for who they are. Patterns like DARVO for one, and The Drama Triangle.

My mind used to be all over the place, but thats how I dealt with what I was going through, by not dealing with it. Shut everything off, but only keep the mind open. Full time concentration. It has only since I have been in a safe place where I have relaxed, and realised I dont have to concentrate all the time. What I have also realised and am learning is how to respond to the infrequent emotionally immature communications from the abusers. Sometimes I think it would be better to block them, cut them off at source, other times, like Harry , it could just be important to be able to keep an eye on them, especially if other people might be in danger because of them.

I love how the power shifts in that last Harry Potter book, revealing to us all what it takes to have power over those who we have been terrified of. It starts with being more self aware, slowing down, and realising that we dont have to respond, crucially also Harry found this more able to do in places where he was safe. Surrounded by those who love and support him and also in safe distance. When we change. When we see. We see something different. We see that we have power.