I hate Doctors surgeries, hospitals, and pretty much anything medical.
It’s for a number of reasons.
One being that I was told off for being ‘silly’ for the times I ended up hospital and wasting ‘certain’ peoples time, it wasn’t my fault that I didnt know what debilitating cramp was like aged 14 and I was red lighted to hospital for torn muscle, there were other occasions as a child too…
Watching medical TV was horrible, especially Casualty and Holby city.
There are probably other reasons too.
Oh, yeah, like the times that ive fainted in a hospital.
YES I FAINT IN HOSPITALS. AND GUYS I KNOW IM NOT THE ONLY ONE.
Bet im not the only one reading this who hasnt…
So.
Yesterday I had to put my big brave boy pants on and make a call to the GP.
My chest felt uncomfortable. Pain in breathing.
It had been going for a few days, and I didnt want to put it off.
What I realise, that all this talk of self-love and care, isnt just for emotional health, its for physical health.
And what I am beginning to realise this year, is that all these challenges, physical and emotional, are opportunities for me to love myself into being a better healthier person (specific piece on this another time)
So, like a brave little boy, I had a teary moment after the lovely GP receptionist booked me an appointment. And I said to myself ‘Its ok James, you will be looked after, they will care, you are not silly for making this call, you are brave and loved’
After the GP, they sent me to A and E for more scans and tests.
And I was looked after.
And I had some lovely beautiful conversations with nurses and doctors throughout the day
They saw that I was smiling and relaxed, and thought I was ‘refreshingly different’ … I took James version 2024 into the medical world.
And yes I nearly fainted, but lied down quickly enough, just, and a nurse did say that it was usually the big hard men with tattoos that fainted… ‘not the soft sensitive types then’ I responded with ;-)
In the process 3 ECGS later, blood tests and chest Xray, it was confirmed that I torn a chest muscle. But they were wonderful in checking everything to make sure.
Which is sort of what I thought, as I had no worrying symptoms, eating well and as I told them, do meditation, breathing and am very chilled..
I thanked all the nurses as I left, they wished me well, I was praised for my empathetic bedside manner, as a patient…
In the process I had a good check over, with all those tests, and so, aged 46 im in a good bill of health, through 5 years of considerable emotional processing and life circumstances, which is definatly something good to know.
I walked out of the A and E ward, thankful for the brilliant NHS, and proud of me for being brave, for obeying my body when it was telling me something was wrong, and pleased that although the doctors stole some blood (and painfully so) they didnt steal my well being and joy, in fact it was confirmation of a relief and also much more besides.
So guys, I tell you this story about my day yesterday, because, we can be shit at doing this. I imagine we’ve been told we’re soft or silly for going to the doctors, or being weak for doing so.
I tell you also as my Grandad was too proud to go to the doctors and died in the GP car park when he’d hidden that something that wrong for years, please dont be like this, please give others more respect and care for yourself.
Our bodies are important guys, let’s love and look after them, more than we love our football teams or books or intelligence.
Let’s get ourselves checked out, because we are important, and that includes our bodies.
James Ballantyne 
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