James Ballantyne

Category: Self awareness

  • Joys…are there to be felt!

    Joys…are there to be felt!

    To feel it

    I had to feel it.

    Just like when I was on the beach today with my team, a day out in the glorious north east coast, at Whitley Bay/ Cullarcoats. Food was eaten, the sun was out, yes there was a westerly breeze.

    Old me would have kept his shoes on. Old me was scared to feel. Old me would be afraid to enjoy himself. Old me would have stayed in his head. Old me would probably have told people off for taking their shoes off. Old me would have thought them childish.

    Today, the sand on my feet belonged to me.

    Today, I didnt care, and it was time to let my feet get covered in warm glorious sand.

    And put my feet into the water.

    Blue Sky meets the Crisp cold north sea.

    Ripples of sand, water and sun dancing

    And my feet part of it all

    Feeling

    To feel it, it had to be felt.

    And I remember a time before.

    When my head would prevent me from feeling, because it was safer that way.

    Thats what denial, distraction, critical old me would have done. Anything to avoid feeling. Anything to stay in safe mode.

    I used to live near the beach as well. For a whole year I would walk along the beach, in shoes or boots. They were my covid restrictive walks, along the sand, glorious…but..

    watching others in the water

    watching dogs run in and out

    taking photos of the sea.

    me walking along the sand, in boots, keeping my body clothing layers away from feeling.

    scared to feel.

    Until one day I decided to take off the shoes.

    Until one day I realised it didnt matter if I got sand everywhere, or my feet wet or anything, because it didnt matter.

    I wasnt going to get told off.

    I didnt need permission

    I could feel

    I could run in. I could make splashes

    I could get my t shirt wet

    It was ok to feel.

    It was safe to feel.

    It wasnt enough to think about feeling. It wasnt enough to watch the water, to assess, judge or stay distance from it.

    It wanted me to feel it, to feel its abandonment and life in it. Inviting me to freedom, requires feeling it, even just toes, just cold, just anything.

    Joys are there to be felt.

    Joys are there to be felt!

    Thank you for reading!

    My previous piece on Joy is here…it feels like it’s a thing!

  • Simple, Little…Joys

    Today I made my own peanut butter in a weighouse store

    I made my own peanut butter, pressed the button and watched all the peanuts grind and turn themselves into peanut butter

    Like this …. so I took a photo….

    And it was just glorious and I smiled. 

    A little joy. 

    And then I realised that so much of life is about little joys

    Walks along rivers 

    Food we love to eat, and share about in Google or Instagram

    Like this from a recent meal out in the olde tapas bar in Darlington 

    Or a space to be, like a coffee shop, a book or a view, even one in a town park like here.

    Little joys on our lives that I like taking photos of, even with that all too distracting phone with it’s many people and messages and scroll and thinking. 

    Sometimes I want to capture the moment

    Capture the little joy. 

    Keep that as a picture in my pocket. 

    I like it here, can I keep it as a memory. 

    I like this moment, it’s just fills me with calm, and joy

    I like here and now….it’s just fun and sparkly. 

    Like flowers or rainbows

    Top of the mountain moments 

    Joys are all around, and awaiting for us to see them

    From the joy that’s already inside. 

    Joys, like trains arriving

    Regardless of whether it’s just a diesel sprinter…or a freight train thundering through, the magic, the noise and everything a little boy squeals at….

    Joys that just happen, joys that bring smiles

    Joys that require no thinking, they just are

    Little joys are all around us

    Little joys are life

    Make my heart smile

    Make life worthwhile

    Like music and puppies and splashing in rain,

    Colour and taste and journeys 

    And nature, and simple free things

    Like flowers in bloom and their colours so pure 

    Even just these outside of my door

    Doesn’t matter their name, or label,

    Just that they are

    Simple, little, free joys everyday

    Waiting to be seen

    Waiting to be embraced by our heart open with life

    Simple joys, connecting our lives like dots on a puzzle

    As we travel from one joy to the next

    And in between think, and grind and work and consume

    Yet open our eyes

    And open our hearts

    For little joys, that makes our heart smile

    Are life in it’s fullest 

    And the more we see

    The shorter the gaps are between them

    Joy mixed with beauty

    Joy

    Right here

    Now.

  • The Lie we’re conditioned to believe.

    I will be ok. 

    Thats the lie. Right there. 

    Actually not quite. 

    Because thinking about it, ‘I will be ok’ was always true, as im still here now, and ‘I will be ok’ was what I used to say to myself a lot, when going through the bewilderment of emotional abuse and manipulation in childhood and in a long term marriage. When things got tough, or weird or both, and much was just what I had been used to since birth; ‘I will be ok’ would be what I said to myself. 

    And because im here writing this, I guess that isnt the liee then. That was grit and determination rearing its strengthening head. 

    The lie was this. 

    ‘I will be ok….if’ 

    ‘If’ that tiny little word. 

    ‘If’ could also appear at the end of the phrase

    ‘They might like me .. IF’ 

    or

    ‘They might be proud of me … ‘IF’ 

    or 

    ‘Things might be ok…’if’’

    But lets get back to the first one

    ‘I will be ok….if’ 

    Conditional Okay-ness. 

    Because thats what it is. Ultimately. It’s about having a self belief that is only satisfied when certain conditions happen. Conditional self- worth, self -respect, self-regard. 

    ‘I will be ok….. if im a little bit fitter’ 

    ‘I will be happy … if I write a piece that goes viral’ 

    ‘I will be happy…. on a sunny day’ 

    ‘I will be ok… if ‘they’ treat me ok’ 

    ‘I will be ok….. if _______ happens’ 

    ‘I will be ok… if get to put in my meditation, breathing, bath, journal, cook nice food, give myself some me time, breathe again, watch the roses grow and do yoga..twice… then ill be ok’ 

    ‘I will be ok……if’ 

    Because it’s a lie. 

    In his book ‘Living untethered’ (and also The Untethered Soul) Micheal Singer writes about how much of our lives are spend trying to avoid, navigate, deny or skirt around pain and challenges in our lives, so much that they dominate. So much so that we create a type of living in which the pain, the abuse, the darkness holds us in captive, and so we instead (I instead) would tell myself these little lies, the lies of conditional okayness. 

    Because I wasnt ok, I hoped and tried to will myself to be, but without facing the real pain, the real issues inside. I was temporarily ok….if my football team won, if I managed to get a good grade in an essay, if I could ride my bike…if , if, if, if… 

    I needed something to happen for me to have temporary ok-ness. 

    I needed something to cause me to feel a tiny bit ok. 

    I was requiring something other, to soothe… something inner. 

    I was needing ‘the world’ to fix/solve/soothe what was on the inside… without facing or dealing with the real issue. It was avoidant, I was avoidant, and yet ‘I will be ok..if’ is all around and so it was easy to go along with it… even if I was dying on the inside. 

    Because. If was depending on something to make me feel ok. Then I wasnt ok. 

    I was just in a cycle of it. 

    Being ok, needn’t be conditional. 

    It took me a very long while, at least 5 years of facing the stuff, journaling, listening to my emotions, giving myself time, safety, therapy, using the tools and having better self care routines, that helped me be in a better place. A place where I could trust myself a bit, a place where I was more aware of my sensitive nature, and awareness of the damage that had been done to me. (for more of this read my story here) . Yet, I was still trying to believe that I was ok. Yes I could relax, yes I was safe, but so much deep down, inside I was , and especially when I hit some low points, I would collapse and breakdown, which I did in 2023. 

    I knew I didnt believe in myself because the very thing that I needed, was the thing I criticised. Positive psychology. Thinking positively. Self affirmations.. yuk no no no. I can’t do that…it’s so Ammmerrican. It’s false, it’s ugh, no. 

    But I realised that my inner critic voice was still running the roost. Even with a lot of change. I still had ‘needs’ and ‘needed things’ to be ok. 

    I didn’t believe I was ok, not unconditionally ok. Self belief hung on a fragile string. 

    That little lie ‘ I will be ok…if……I change my job…if I write something…if I …..’ 

    And whilst im at it, ill not dwell on this here, but I might well have been told that ‘God loved me’ – but since that was also the belief of my abusive parent, and also church was a place I needed to belong, to be important, to be busy, to be intelligent, to know (and not feel) – two theology degrees later and a 22 year career working in faith groups in the UK… Unconditional Gods love, was lost in a kernel of conditional institutional performance and responsibility. It wasnt Gods fault. But too much pain and damage surrounded this heart, and so unconditional love or even unconditional ‘ok-ness’ was off the table. 

    So, it was easy to believe the lie. 

    I wasnt ok, and I was stuck in a cycle of believing that I would be one day ok…if…

    What I had to do was face the reality of myself, and my hurts, pains, defence mechanisms, sand strategies…and dig right deep, into the places of self loathing, self mistrust, self destruction… and find myself stronger, more loving, and more compassionate than all of them. 

    To start to rebuild a self that had been broken and tormented since birth. 

    To realise that ‘ I will be ok.. If’ 

    Was actually a lie. 

    Because the truth is something else. 

    The truth is not that I am ok. 

    The truth is that I just am. 

    Regardless of what happens. I still am. 

    Regardless of what I do… I am

    And in me there is love, and joy, and calm, and truth… 

    The funny thing is, in the last year or so I notice myself saying things like ‘I need ______’ or ‘if I buy _______ ill be ok’ – its almost as if its an unusual thing, to notice, to realise and then I check in with myself. 

    I dont need to believe that I am conditionally ok. 

    And neither do you. 

    But it’s a lie we’ve been often told to believe. 

    Because it keeps us trapped.

  • Crossing the Rainbow bridge.

    Crossing the Rainbow bridge

    Where love holds as we get to the edge

    Love awaits on the crossing

    Love walks over

    Love guides

    Love that got me there, waiting to cross

    Love that got me there,  path out of view

    Love that held me, walking wounded, trapped on the island

    Path shrouded, destiny dimmed

    Love that wrestled me into hope

    Love that burned faintly on the inside

    Despair and resilience poured into grit.

    Walking fearful, walking lost

    Walking wounded, walking confused

    Walking weighted, walking hunched

    Love builds bridges like rainbows

    To a life unseen in the cloud of foggy darkness

    That got me to the edge

    To see, a step on an unknown path

    Where Love from the deep wash calling all along

    Presence of love, mysteriously aloof..but there.

    All. Along.

    Love like rainbows, over an arched bridge.

    Colours of healing, awakened in love

    Red , for desire, anger and pain

    Orange , for freshness, new life

    Green for the shoots of emerging free

    Blue for the calm, peace, or the sea

    Purple and violet, for Love is just deep, and beyond, an invitation to find, indescribable, eternal magical complexity, of purple.

    They’re all of you, all of love, all on the bridge

    All on a rainbow

    For you, of you and with you

    One, slow, eye opening, heart opening, accepting step at a time

    The language of soul, calling to your heart tune.

    Loves all fears to the ground

    Frees us into a new being

    United, cleansed, together on the inside,

    Radiant on the out.

    From death into life.

    Each step along the rainbow bridge

    Journeying with love

    Water underneath, water in the air

    Life sources rippling all around

    Love carrying, holding,

    Life showing itself

    Steps of longing

    The invitation of belonging

    You are held, transforming

    Fly from the bridge

    Fly beyond

    May your feet dance on the bridge and never look back

    Lightness awaits

    Created by love

    It’s your time, to dream and become

    Glow radiant, in light, in loves colour grow

    Make love to the universe

    Passion and grace,

    A new world is yours now

    And love is your song.

  • How Journalling has helped me (and why I found it difficult to start)

    How Journalling has helped me (and why I found it difficult to start)

    I had the weird moment a few weeks ago when I was standing in the well known outlet store ‘TK Maxx’ in the stationary and journal section, where I was joined by….another man in the aisle, looking for a new suitable journal. It was a rare experience. I have never encountered another man in the journal section of either TK Maxx, Waterstones or WHSmith. The lesser spotted male journaller.

    In amongst the array of pink, peach, ‘self care for you’ , ‘be your better self’ journals, that were mainly targeting the female journaller, in conversation we realised we were both looking for something very similar. A plain looking, plain inside journal. No ‘Year planner’ no ‘Goal setting’ no ‘write your dreams for 2026’ – just plain, so that we could write, and write without prompting.

    Oh it wasnt allowed to be pink. Sorry. Just plain. A blue, green, black or purple.

    I didnt feel like asking this random stranger male what he journaled, or what he wrote, we just looked for a while trying to find what we were both looking for.

    Given that its incredibly important that we men have healthy avenues to try and describe, write and formulate our thoughts and feelings – that it seems that its a market more targeted to women, is another tiny obstacle men face when beginning the inner journey. (dont mishear, this is not an excuse..just an observation)

    So, I journal. And I realise that over my lifetime I have written down my thoughts in different ways.

    Firstly, given that bedrooms weren’t safe, there was no way I could write about what was going on at home as a child, nor leave it in a place. Some of my girl friends (friends who were girls) wrote diaries, as did the girls in TV shows, but rarely did boys. The times that I did I kept everything factual and boring, like the weather that day, school homework and probably football scores. Thats all that was safe to be left in my childhood bedroom.

    Between then and 5-6 years ago I would write thoughts and ideas down, usually stemming from what I had read in the Bible, talks or conferences, training notes or my academic notes or ideas for essays. Rarely entering the world of my feelings, or heart – just ideas, thoughts, concepts.

    I probably baulked at the idea of doing journaling back 6 years ago. It seems like a ‘girly’ thing to do. But that I know now was my reactions to it, because it wasnt a safe thing to do in the recent or long term past. But now, I had my own flat, my own space, and I was learning to realise that i was safe to write, safe to express myself and safe to put anything I want down on paper and in any shape or form. Even if at times this had to be fought against the inner voices that were inhibiting it at times.

    I would say that I have used writing in four main ways in the last 5 years, the private stuff, not what I write here.

    1. Free writing – This can take the form of wax crayons, colours and plain paper, closing my eyes and just scribbling, and writing anything on the page depending on the feeling that wants to come out, anger, rage, frustration, hurt, pain, and it can be anything, swear words, scrawl – anything at all – sometimes its a fight to come out but I just sit there and let it, however much thought resistance there might be.
    2. Therapy homework and dreams – After one particular time of therapy I was introduced to inner child writing, and so, i have a journal in which i have an ongoing inner dialogue with my ‘self’ or my feelings, my childhood ego state, and listen, love and care for it. I do this one more often when feeling anxious, depressed, or fearful – but also, when calm too, as it’s a good way of assessing my inner feeling temperature. I followed the ‘discovery of your inner child’ book by Lucio Cappacione for a very long while. I needed to do..not just understand.
    3. Dreams. I write them down. So that I notice what my subconscious is having a play around with during my sleep.
    4. Raging words and trying to understand things. One of my journals was about trying to understand things, trying to write out the questions, the reasons, the hurt and pain of what I suffered.
    5. My Affirmation journal. I began this in 2023 (Here is the story), and continued it each day (give or take a few) , in which I write to myself affirmations, no negatives, no questions, just positive affirmations, as if the universe and its angels were looking at me with delight and then telling me, or as if I as a friend to myself was telling me my truth. Who I am. This has been utterly transformative, not using the language of lies and limitations to shape my inner voice or self any more. To re – orientate my inner critic into something small, and let me heart and soul speak into my life.
    6. The blank one. There always a blank journal on the go, for anything else, just to grab it and write something, a sentence, a phrase, a line from a book, a meme. It’s a bit like the journal equivalent of saving screen shots from healing memes on fb, that also include stuff from books too. Sometimes words just find me, and so I let them arrive and put them down, sometimes these become titles for blogs too. Oh and more recently writing poetry has begun from this.

    For most of these I use coloured pens, to express myself inwardly, and also because blue and black are too close to official colours of study or work. My inner life deserves purples, pinks, greens and yellows, and feelings often emerge in colour.

    I have used writing in a number of ways to listen, and speak from my pain and trauma, from my heart and to my wounded parts, and as the process has continued I have developed different strategies as different aspects have required attention.

    I definitely didnt start this process thinking ‘I am going to journal’ though maybe it was likely given my blogging history and love of writing academically, that writing was going to be one way that was going to be a very useful tool for my healing processing and journey. I did find it painful to start, to force myself to write deep things, as I had spent so long writing thoughts and ideas and my inner heart and feelings were so locked, shamed and hidden away. It was always going to take time, and the guidance of psychological professionals to help me unlock and unblock.

    Sometimes it’s a quick grab of the paper and write down something, sometimes I realise that ive been fighting myself for hours and I just needed to sit, and write and listen and respond. It doesn’t matter, it’s just day by day doing the work, rebuilding, noticing, revealing and loving my self through its own expressions.

    This has been, so far my journey of journalling, what about you? Id love to hear in the comments below your hints and tips for journalling and how it has been part of your healing journey through whatever the situation has been for you.

  • Keeping it real, some days are like treacle.

    I had one of ‘those’ kinds of days today. The kind of days I used to have a lot of, and the kind of days I never used to notice.

    Today I had one of those days when I just felt a bit ‘meh’ a bit ‘unsettled’ a bit ‘I had expectations to try and do a bit of writing and creative thinking and it didnt quite happen and so I was a bit frustrated’ days.. and then I got frustrated, because I was frustrated….

    I sometimes call them ‘treacle days’ – just a bit stodgy, for no real reason, when nothing happens, just that there’s an inner fight.

    But I realise, that I dont get them very often. Which is a nice thing to be reminded of..and thats why they’re unusual and help me stay a little in check, a little moment to remember my vulnerable new humanness with all its emotions having space to play.

    But the reason I get them at all, is that I realise that I am in a good place generally, and that not quite every day can feel calm, can feel easy – especially creatively easy, not every day feels like flow. But thats the thing. Its because I now I feel more feelings, that I can sense that there’s something not quite right.

    It may be absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things, not a big problem, but thats not what my inner critic wants to hear…… and when it starts to latch onto the tiniest of anxieties, or self doubts, or moments…

    The everyday ‘recovery’ from childhood trauma, and the associated behaviours, continues to be a daily, ongoing piece by piece listening, attending and loving these wounded parts, even if they might just be a bit of frustration……unsettled……

    And so, in a way I realise that I am grateful for the treacle days or treacles moments, because its a part of me thats alive, its apart of me thats allowed and safe to be wanting to tell me something, or do something.

    What I used to have was continual un-dealt with bottled up emotions so that every day was painted in survival stony grey. No treacle days as there was no contrast, just stoic grey, avoidance and dissociation and self soothing one day to the next.

    And back today, what I stopped myself from doing, which I have done in the past is attach the frustration with negative self shame talk like this:

    ‘Ive done all this therapy and healing, I shouldn’t feel like this’

    but thats not the reality is it. Most days are good, most days I feel alive, whole and in the main secure.

    But there are treacle days. Even, actually especially in the process of learning to be our loving whole selves….

    And treacle days or hours that require a little attention, a little love, and little bit of gratefulness, for the feelings, and thoughts themselves.

    So , instead of continuing the inner self fight, I moved, I went out, and I took myself off out for a walk instead, breathed windy air and sunshine, watched ospreys land, and watched as the lizards moved around my feet.

  • Divine adventure within

    ‘Rather than trying to set out like some isolated cosmonaut in search of God, maybe the secret is to let God find you. Instead of endeavouring to reach out in order to first find God, you realise you are now in the matrix and the adventure is the discovering of the utterly new and unspoken dimensions of the inexhaustible divine ; this brings with it a new sense of ease with your self and your solitude ‘  (John O Donohue, Divine Echoes)

    Just sharing this, as it’s rich with meaning and depth.

    It’s time to just be open and accept that the divine is inside all along….

    It just is.

    Just that sometimes we’re peering in on it…but as we stay open love and energy flows through, as our ego gets out of the way. 

    And the divine breath emerges from the deep. 

  • Be more than just being your best!

    Do your best

    Be your best self

    Says who..against what rules?

    Maybe you deserve better than best

    Maybe you deserve more living than best

    For you

    Gorgeous life force on this beautiful universe you

    Maybe it’s time to be less best

    And be the self you choose

    Your favourite self

    Your loving self

    Your glowing self

    Your creative self

    Your joyous self

    Your wise self

    Your courageous self

    Your vulnerable self

    Your true self

    Beyond definition,.beyond expectations

    You have the freedom to choose the you you want to be

    Beyond the expectations of best

    Into a new you

    So maybe it’s time

    To be your glowing self

    Shine, with sparkles of universe joy

    Awakening from within

    You can choose!

  • Breaking the Silence: Men’s Mental Health Matters

    As men, we’ve been conditioned for generations to believe that strength means suppressing our emotions. We’re told that being tough, stoic, and unshakable is the ideal. We’re encouraged to “man up,” to push through pain, to avoid vulnerability, and to believe that needing help is a weakness. This outdated notion is not only damaging to our mental health, but it’s also limiting our potential to live fulfilling, balanced lives.

    The reality is that mental health struggles don’t discriminate based on gender, and emotional pain doesn’t go away by ignoring it. If anything, it grows in silence. More than ever, it’s time for us to dismantle the toxic expectations surrounding masculinity and embrace the truth: it takes courage to heal.

    Here, I aim to create a safe, open space for men to address their mental health, explore their emotional well-being, and heal from the burdens that have been weighing on us for too long. Today, I want to share why this journey is crucial and how embracing healing is not just a form of self-care—it’s an act of strength.

    The Invisible Weight: Why Men Struggle in Silence

    For decades, mental health awareness has been dominated by female voices, and while this is an important conversation, the men’s mental health crisis often gets overlooked. According to a 2019 report from the Mental Health Foundation, men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women, and nearly 75% of suicides are committed by men. These numbers are not just statistics—they’re real lives lost to a silent epidemic.

    Why does this happen? Why are so many men silently suffering, often without reaching out for help?

    The answer lies in the societal pressures and deeply ingrained stereotypes about what it means to be a man. Many men grow up in environments where vulnerability is shamed, where emotional expression is seen as a flaw, and where “being a man” means never showing weakness. As a result, men often bottle up their feelings, ignore their emotional pain, and repress their mental health struggles, leading to a build-up of unresolved issues.

    But this approach doesn’t just lead to tragic outcomes; it also prevents men from achieving true emotional maturity. It stifles personal growth, strains relationships, and isolates men from the support networks they desperately need.

    The First Step: Acknowledging the Need for Healing

    It’s impossible to start a healing journey if we don’t first acknowledge that something needs to change. And for many men, that means recognizing the emotional pain they’ve been carrying and giving themselves permission to feel.

    The healing process begins with self-awareness. Whether it’s experiencing anxiety, depression, trauma, or just a general sense of emotional numbness, the first step is often the hardest—admitting that we are not okay. This can be a daunting experience, especially for those who have been conditioned to believe that “real men” don’t feel or express weakness.

    But the truth is, acknowledging that we need help is one of the most courageous things we can do. It’s a sign of self-respect, a commitment to bettering ourselves, and an act of self-love. It says, “I deserve to be well,” and, “I’m worth the effort it takes to heal.”

    The Power of Vulnerability

    I know that for many men, the word vulnerability carries a lot of weight, often invoking fear or discomfort. We associate vulnerability with being weak or exposed, but in reality, vulnerability is an incredible source of strength.

    Think about it: vulnerability is what allows us to form deep connections with others. It’s what lets us be real and honest, not just with ourselves, but with the people we care about. When we embrace vulnerability, we open ourselves up to healing, growth, and authenticity.

    Opening up about our feelings—whether it’s to a friend, a therapist, or a support group—doesn’t make us weak. In fact, it does the opposite. It takes immense courage to confront and express the emotions that we’ve been taught to hide. Vulnerability fosters trust, self-acceptance, and meaningful relationships. It helps us release the burdens we’ve been carrying in isolation and invites others to do the same.

    Im hoping that by sharing my story, I’ve encouraged men to lean into vulnerability. It’s not about airing our weaknesses—it’s about recognizing our humanity and giving ourselves the space to be imperfect.

    Seeking Help: Therapy, Support Groups, and More

    The road to healing is not one we have to walk alone. In fact, seeking help is a crucial step in the journey. For men, this may mean attending therapy, joining a support group, or talking to trusted friends or family members. The stigma surrounding therapy for men is slowly changing, but it’s still a barrier that many men face. There is a misconception that therapy is only for those who are “broken” or “weak,” but that’s simply not the case.

    Therapy is a tool for growth, not a sign of failure. It’s a space where we can explore our emotions, process past trauma, and develop healthier coping strategies. It’s a place where we can challenge the harmful narratives we’ve been told about masculinity and build a more balanced, authentic version of ourselves.

    Support groups can also be an invaluable resource. Many men feel isolated in their struggles, thinking they’re the only ones going through difficult emotions. But when we connect with others who share similar experiences, we realize we’re not alone. Support groups provide a sense of camaraderie and encouragement, and they help men normalize the conversation around mental health.

    The Benefits of Healing: Personal and Relational Growth

    Healing isn’t just about alleviating pain, often its about facing it—it’s about transforming our lives for the better. When we take care of our mental health, we improve our overall well-being, which has a ripple effect on all areas of our lives.

    1. Emotional Resilience: When we work through our emotional challenges, we build the resilience needed to face future stressors. Rather than feeling overwhelmed or defeated, we become more equipped to handle adversity with confidence and emotional maturity.
    2. Stronger Relationships: Healing allows us to show up more fully in our relationships. We become better partners, fathers, and friends when we prioritize our emotional well-being. By understanding ourselves more deeply, we can communicate better, set boundaries, and foster healthier connections.
    3. Physical Health: Mental and physical health are deeply connected. Chronic stress, depression, and anxiety can manifest in physical symptoms like headaches, digestive issues, and fatigue. When we address our mental health, we’re also improving our physical health, leading to a more vibrant and energetic life.
    4. Purpose and Fulfillment: Healing helps us reconnect with our sense of purpose. It allows us to align our lives with our values and passions, leading to a more fulfilling and meaningful existence. When we take care of our emotional health, we can pursue our goals with clarity and motivation.

    Taking Action: How to Start Your Healing Journey

    If you’re ready to embark on your own journey of healing, know that you don’t have to have all the answers right now. The process can begin with small, intentional steps:

    • Speak to a professional: A therapist can help guide you through your healing journey with personalized support. Look for a therapist who specializes in men’s mental health or general emotional well-being.
    • Open up to someone you trust: Sharing your struggles with a friend or family member can help alleviate the weight of silence. Even if it’s just starting with one conversation, it’s a powerful first step.
    • Join a support group: Finding a group of like-minded men who are on a similar journey can offer camaraderie and solidarity. You don’t have to face your challenges alone. Andy’s Man club is one in the north east.
    • Practice self-care: Healing isn’t just emotional—it’s also physical. Take care of your body by exercising, eating well, and getting enough rest. Self-care routines create a foundation for mental and emotional healing.
    • Educate yourself: Read books, watch documentaries, or listen to podcasts about men’s mental health. The more informed you are, the better equipped you’ll be to navigate your healing journey. I can recommend a lot in the resources section on this blog.

    Final Thoughts: Reclaiming Your Power

    As men, we’ve spent far too long holding onto the lie that emotional pain should be hidden, ignored, or suppressed. But healing is not only possible—it’s essential. By embracing our vulnerability, seeking support, and taking responsibility for our mental health, we can redefine what it means to be a strong, resilient man.

    Healing is an act of power, not weakness. It’s time for us to break the silence, step into our full humanity, and heal—not just for ourselves, but for the generations of men who will come after us. Often its crisis that takes us to this point, or the desperate calls of a loved one to face things, maybe it’s time for you, to lean in to the possibilities beyond and break up the surface cracks and find wholeness underneath, beyond the pain.

    Remember: You are not alone in this journey. You are worthy of healing, and it’s never too late to start.

    Confession. This article is 90% written by GPT, with a few additions. I genuinely wanted to see what it would write if I asked it to write a 1500 word piece on Mental Health and Men. So here it is. Whether it’s from AI or from me, the message is the same though.

    Your Mental health matters men, and you change before you break, or it’s too late. Do it for you, and all you love.

  • One Brave You.

    My friend

    My glowing universe friend

    I cannot wrap this in cotton wool.

    You will never be safe

    Not fully, not completely

    It’s not how the world works

    Especially when you’re used to scanning for danger

    Waiting for something to happen

    Living self around the other

    You will never be safe

    Not 100%

    And I know you’re gonna hate me for saying this

    I heard it all the time

    You can always be brave.

    Hate having heard it…

    Now to embrace it

    Now to own it.

    You can always have courage, to do , to act, to love, to give

    Because that’s who you are

    In the midst of danger, that beautiful caring soul

    You can always be brave, you will always have strength

    For what’s inside you

    That care, that love, that dream

    Is you, and will always be you

    And No-thing can truly hurt you…not there, not deep within

    A soul that cannot be damaged

    Flickering soul light

    You may not ever be safe

    But you can be brave

    Because that’s about you

    That’s what you can do.

    Flickering soul candle

    God flame burning

    Inside you

    Brave path making

    Universe guiding

    One brave you.