James Ballantyne

Tag: social media

  • Ive been a little bit quiet recently…

    Ive been a little bit quiet recently…

    Which given my output previously was probably not a surprise. Writing on here has taken a bit of a back seat for a number of reasons. I quit Facebook for two months too, and whilst ive spent a bit of time on Substack, where theres other writers and far far less on current news, drama of politics and tbh quite a bit of stuff I just really didnt need to see, engage with or for it to take up my energy.

    I needed to switch off.

    Ive switched off before, and many of you know that involved avoiding the news and radio, and quitting twitter.

    Its been a time where I have had to face a number of battles, ones that will probably never get mentioned here, and also some personal challenges that one day might do, some of which began days after I temporarily quit Facebook itself.

    What I have needed to do is dig pretty deep into whatever reserves I have just to live, and when I say live, I mean respond well and stay emotionally afloat amidst alot, when trauma, triggers, fears and anxieties could easily start to pull me backwards, and this includes work, and rest and be there for people close to me who have been in a place of struggle too.

    So I have been a bit quiet recently, in terms of writing on here, but what’s been so important to me has continued to be ….. writing….. whether this has been daily journalling, free writing and expressing myself in words – the writing that releases, thats not for public consumption.

    I have also realised that the last few years of being in a good place has significantly given me the inner space to be able to deal with the last few months, even if that has also meant refining what I was spending my energy on, a refining that was as much about making powerful choice to favour myself in my own soul and power, and not give myself away to consuming and reading.

    I have been quiet recently. Because I am ok. Because i was giving too much at times to this type of writing, the type that could sometimes get me into that endorphin cycle feedback loop of positivity, and maybe even trying too hard to be creative, original or helpful, when actually what I needed instead was to be me, in my raw vulnerability, and write for me. Im already on journal number 3 for this year.

    And Im typing up version 2 of my second book, and yes, sadly this stuff has stalled too, but I am about to restart this too.

    Am I writing because I need to explain everything to you? No.

    Or to apologise? No

    Maybe its just to say thank you, thank you for the messages that you’ve sent me via whatever means whenever I have mentioned that ‘your words were meaningful today’ or when ‘you’ve sent a message of support’ when I haven’t been able to say why, and still can’t.

    Life is bigger than writing, and Life is bigger than the stuff and I am continually , daily remembering and giving love to myself, to feel loved everyday, is also to care for my energy and protect it, to realise I can sit and read, listen to music and not use what I read to write something, or to expend energy writing in the way I have done fairly prolifically in the last few years.

    I have been useless at ever doing a regular piece of writing, ie just doing one piece a week, and limit myself, its seemed to be in bursts, or gaps, maybe thats what I could do, more heat and depth, and not just noise. But let’s just see, maybe thats for a next chapter of writing…and the books I want to write will definitely take priority. Am I ‘coming back’ …maybe…but definatley differently..

    So thank you.

    Im still here, and im more than ok. I really am.

    Bless you, and thank you

    Much deep gratitude

    James x

  • Choosing a Life Beyond the News Cycle

    I was raised to believe that it was important to watch the news and stay informed.

    When my friends were watching the Simpsons, or fresh prince, or some other thing when they ate their tea in front of the TV.

    My childhood was spent watching…

    Blue Peter from 5.15pm or Crackerjack (and I was terrified of the gunge machine, I still dont know why , but I was)

    Neighbours from 5.35, or whatever the BBC used to fill that space before then, then because 6pm was always the time the ‘food’ was served, it was BBC news time.

    Nicolas Witchell, Angela Rippon, whoever it was, presenting.

    The 6pm news.

    From an early age, (im only 46) first memories include the Brighton Bombing, Mid nineties Thatcher, Poll tax riots, IRA bombings, conflict in Isreal, and then probably the event that captured my news attention and kept it for the next 30 odd years. The Gulf war of 1990.

    Then I started to do paper rounds, and I became the delivered of the news to people, and I got paid for it, and I read it. Slowly moving my attention from the back pages (sport, interesting) to the front (politics boring..then interesting..addictive)

    It was as if it was drummed into me that staying informed was important. Because this is what the routine was. 6pm news time. Bedtime as I grew older was ‘after the 9pm, or 10pm news’ The News dictated life events.

    The more we follow the news, the better informed we are and the healthier our democracy. This is still the story many parents tell their kids, but scientists are now reaching very different conclusions. The news, according to dozens of studies, is a mental health hazard’

    Rutger Bregman, Humankind, 2020

    Yet that ingrained societal view is still there.

    And I have no doubt that right now the media is useful, but until it gets a backbone, it’s merely a publishing arm of the political leader and their drama that is feeding it. And media loves attention as media loves drama. The spiral creates clicks. It’s not news when people do their jobs properly, it just doesn’t sell.

    The problem is that we’re in danger of forgetting the truth, and cultivating a life around the lies and responding to them. I can honestly say that BBC news 24 was on repeat hour by hour most nights for me, for about 10 years, in those days I would watch ‘ the news, sport and weather’ to switch off. Yet it was doing nothing of the sort.

    It was creating pathways in my brain of how I was seeing the world, negativity, conflict, competition, hate and lies, shouted by the loudest, ‘them’ and ‘us’, ‘othering’ – blame put on young people, poor people, everything a war, or crisis. Then the were the conversations about the news, so Question Time, or ‘This week’ or satire to soothe the news.’ HIGNFY’ or Mock the week’ – what a spiral!

    One of the things I noticed, when I furnished my new flat in 2019, and for the last 6 years, is that I dont have a TV.

    I proudly could say also that I didnt let a single spoken word of Boris Johnson or even in his first and now second stint as toddler in chief (TIC) of the USA, DT, enter the airwaves of that space, or my new one. I dont listen to the Radio either (and I used to have radio 5 on all of the time too).

    I would have thought that I was a kind of loony hippy by doing this, I get strange looks now ‘ what you dont have a TV?’ I also then get the ‘I bet you watch Netflix though, or something else.’ Nope, (You tube yes) its as if TV is meat eating and im now in some kind of weird ‘free from ‘ media diet. Maybe thats it. Maybe, by not having the news on, the radio on, and trying desperately to not a have a social media feed thats sharing responses, reactions, the consequences and the fears of TIC.

    Maybe thats it. Call me an idealist, Call me a dreamer, call me lost in a cloud of unreality. But news, drama, and TV is a choice. It might not feel like it, but it is. And powerful people are forcing its power on us all, and more often than not it’s making us sick.

    We are not rational enough to be exposed to the press

    (Nassim Taleb)

    Free from.

    Because yes there are horrible, nasty, challenging things in the world. There truly are, there truly will be, and the most awful are barely on the news. There are real things that require effort and time. Its no surprise that the increase hours of tv watching as culminating in societal loneliness, reduced volunteering and reduced community spirit (Bowling Alone, 1996). Social prescribing might not have been a required thing, but it is. There’s a need for doctors to encourage social being-ness. Lost connections increase depression (Johann Hari)

    Mental health charities might suggest a social media switch off. But that lets the deemed mainstream off scot free. It’s all of it.

    Note your feelings as you watch or consume it. Then how you react to others or what you need after it. If you’re not ok, then you’re not ok, and the news isnt there to make you feel good, it’s not its job, even if that lie of ‘being informed’ has been drummed into you.

    Mark yourself free from the news for a day, or two, or a week. See what that feels like. Because if you can do it, you might notice something.

    If it seems radical to switch off the news, then something is clearly wrong with society, and our view of what’s important. And trust me, its hard work to keep up, when its become a trauma bond of voyeristic proportions.

    It might sound like I am weak to not be able to ‘cope with the news’ as it’s a ‘little bit triggering’ , or im too sensitive. It not that at all. I have made choices to say no to the powerful forces of the media in certain forms, and go against the default flow of the news narrative. I think that makes me powerful.

    Free from. It’s not just the physical diet, or the spiritual one, it’s the media too. Boundaries are for all of these things, and in order for us to remember our own strength, power and immensity, ‘No’ when it comes to the media, is a stance.

    ‘They dont write the truth about us, so why should I believe what they say about them’ (Pride, the movie)

    Switching off, virtually completely was what I had to do, some of that was enforced, some of that was genuinely because I started ‘project James’ and began looking inwards, with therapy 6 years ago, and I realised that I just didnt have the energy, or even desire to listen, watch or engage anymore. It wasnt as important as me.

    And the news isnt as important as you either. It’s not real, and its lies only exist because enough people believe in them.

    And 6 years down the road, Im still a non TV news evangelist.

  • We need to talk about Parental Stalking.

    Stalking, tends to be focussed on one type in the media. Men grooming young people, or partners in an abusive relationship. The day after I wrote this piece, I saw this one on the BBC website

    but it is defined as

    Stalking is defined as a pattern of unwanted behavior, directed at a specific person, which causes that person to change their routine or feel afraid, nervous or in danger. Examples of stalking behaviors include: Repeated, unwanted phone calls, texts, messages, etc. that may or may not be threatening.

    But it happens with Parents too.

    If you know, you know.

    They continue to watch.

    Doesnt matter if you think you got rid of them.

    They continue to watch.

    They continue to search

    They continue to find ways of interrupting.

    When you close them off from your life

    Even Parents.

    They are desperate to know everything about you

    They are desperate to be in the ‘know’

    As the ‘trophy’ child they were desperate to show me off – so this requires information

    The scapegoat child gets no time, is constantly harassed and their movements controlled

    Happens to each child in different ways at different times.

    They continue to stalk.

    Doing so in the name of ‘We’re just looking out for you’

    though more accurately its so that they can tell their friends about us, without actually having any contact

    It’s stalking and harassment.

    and its to unsettle and alarm.

    Because, what they also do, is give away that they are looking.

    They cant help themselves.

    In fact they love giving themselves away…

    Its like they want you to know that you’re still not safe from them.

    Its like they want you to know that that you’re being watched – and controlled

    Its like they still want to cause fear.

    Taken from Gloucestershire Police

    So they give themselves away.

    ‘I notice on facebook that…..’

    or

    ‘I dont think you should be having conversations about ……’ – things that they obviously saw on a you tube channel.

    or somewhere in an email – to you or to someone else.

    They set up social media accounts, to keep an eye on you, changing them often.

    It’s usually embedded in a different message, but they like to give away something to just let you know.

    Of course if you dont know, you might think im being paranoid – but thats the thing, if this hasn’t been what you have had to deal with you’re not likely to get it. Parental Harassment.

    Theres can be the weak mole in the family – usually the flying monkey

    The one who maintains contact with them – enough so that their inch is a proverbial HS2 of a railway scheme.

    The unsuspecting mole gets

    ‘We don’t hear from _______, have you heard from them’?

    ‘________ doesnt speak to us any more , are they ok?’

    ‘ Last time we saw _______, they we’re doing ______, is this still the case? ‘

    ‘I bet you’ve seen _____ since we have______’

    The favoured child is only favoured whilst they are the sharer of information and does what they want.

    The unsuspecting mole, faces the dilemma to say nothing. say no- and face a reaction. This can happen over phone, email or face to face- obviously. Or they give away all the information, because they are terrified too or that they cant see the issue for what it is.

    ‘But they’re worried about you’ you might say… thats what ‘normal’ parents might be like. It doesn’t work for the psychopaths and narcissist parents (or the emotionally immature as Lindsay Gibson writes). They dont possess these emotions in any genuine way- they worry about themselves and their reputation, they worry that they might be damaged, there is no genuine worry.

    They use other family members to get gossip about the person they are trying to keep track of. They go as far as using friends in the same way, and social media.

    They are probably reading this. And thats the thing, until you decide to hide everything and go completely underground they aren’t going to know. But what about living our lives and exposing them for who and what they are. Their behaviour is not my shame to carry.

    Parental Stalking does happen, and its something we need to talk about alot more.

    When it happens and you’re in the middle of it its terrifying.

    Yes, of course they deny it…. but then again… part of their pattern is to deny things, misremember things…

    So It’s time to talk about it, time to put it in the open.

    Time to state the horrors of what abusive parents will do to their own children.

    Has this happened to you? Have you experience of parents who stalk you?