Everyone knew…but everyone was terrified

‘All the same’, demurred Fudge, ‘they are here to protect you all from something much worse.. we all know what (Sirius) Black is capable of..’ ,

‘Do you know, I still have trouble believing it, said Madam Rosmerta thoughtfully ‘Of all the people to go over to the dark side, Sirius Black was the last id have thought…I mean, I remember him as boy at Hogwarts. If you’d told me then what he was going to become, I’d say you’d had too much mead’

‘You dont know the half of it , Rosmerta’, said Fudge gruffly ‘The worst isnt widely known’

(From JK Rowlings Harry Potter, The Prisoner of Azkhaban)

In this scene, Harry is listening under the table, to a conversation about the background of the escapee prisoner Sirius, and how Sirius had close links to the Potter Family. It is this exchange that strikes me. You have the revelation of the action of Sirius, and the disbelief of one of them in conversation, that even so many years later that the accused, Sirius could be like they are.

Yet as the narrative unfolds the grisly truth of Sirius behaviour is revealed.

He is stone cold, shameless when confronted by his own behaviours of betrayal – seeming perfectly normal in the heat of a crime , and betrays Harrys Parents to let Voldemort access to their home to kill them.

Some people just dont know, they hide all their behaviour behind closed doors.

Some still are like Rosmerta, in disbelief that anything like this could be the behaviour of the boy Sirius.

But its as difficult, when people do actually know.

Some people have been entitled, shameless, narcissistic bullies all their life.

They are well known to be weird. Well known to be easily angered, jealous, spiteful, over emotional, ego centric, and turn on the victim tears at the sight of challenge or being called out.

People knew about Sirius, though some didnt.

What could anyone do?

Ive wondered this a few times this year.

Two people have told me that they are apologetic that they knew, but didnt protect me.

What could they do?

Everyone knew.

But did nothing

Because.

They could do nothing.

Everyone knew

But were scared themselves.

I know they couldn’t.

Everyone knew

But they were terrified

Everyone knew

But they were traumatised themselves

They knew she was easily angered

They had felt it…

They hadn’t been seen themselves, just prey for her ego

And had to work hard, work together to piece the story

They now avoid, put up boundaries.

They had been used as a complaining sponge, to hear who she was wanting to complain about this time, me, my sister, their friends, the church, her job.

Dumbfounded in disbelief.

‘Theres nothing wrong with James… its his _________ thats the problem’. (Once said a Vicar who knew me aged 19)

Some people can hide their abuse behind closed doors. Other people wear it on their sleeve. All the time.

On their sleeve. In full view.  Revealed all the time. Like Jimmy Saville for example. And the soon to be impeached one.

You cant say ‘why didnt you leave’ when you’re a child. There is no escape. And that shouldn’t be said to anyone in a domestic abuse relationship anyway.

Didn’t anyone else see?

But everyone knew.

Everyone still does know.

Some people have been like it from their beginning.

And it’s tolerated. Accepted. Protected even.

‘They’ve always been like that…. ‘

‘They cant be expected to change…’

They play victim to get sympathy, whilst squeezing every other emotion out of the room.

Agreed.

Some people are not cunning enough to hide themselves.

Some people dont get the chance to have a Rosmerta defend them.

The worst isnt widely known

because it would make you shiver.

Thats the point, rules dont apply to them.

Scared

No one could do anything

because everyone is terrified.

Its a trauma response that sends chills down the spine.

and

no one fully knows the other half of it.

Some of the abusers are hidden in plain sight. Some have displayed it all the time.

Just that they have had their accusers silenced and delegitimised.

If you saw or knew, but didnt do anything, no one blames you, I don’t.

Why did no one do anything?  Well….. who could? Who would want to?

Everyone knows, even now.

 

(and I know Sirius isnt necessarily the person they claimed to him be, thats not the point I was making)