Surviving Psychopathic Parenting (Part 14): Hiding the Treasure

It wasn’t just the anger switch that I had turn off as a child.

It was the happy joy one too.

Its my job to bring you down to earth

That Parent

It was easier to hide that go through having to hear things like the following

I need some of your joy, give me some of your joy

So I didn’t bother.

I didnt want the photo shoot when I won trophies at school. One because I couldn’t find the photographer, the other because it wouldn’t have been celebrated appropriately. Though the trophies did stay on the mantle piece for a bit too long.

Fast forward to a graduation 11 years later and their presence caused me to only be on vigilance trauma mode, rather than celebrate. But they had to be there, it was their right. Apparently.

They didnt know how to affirm or celebrate what I did well, or were envious of the good time I might have had without them. Envy when I did well, Envy when things were going well. Their claim on my success was the trophy child.

But we knew it. One parent had to have the last word on the other parents birthday. Even making sure at his birthday party, they sang to her too.

Surviving meant switching off the positives, as well as the negatives.

Dont raise your hopes up James, even if you think she might be pleased for you, if you are happy, it’ll be tainted with something referring to her ego.

Some emotionally immature parents actually envy their Childs success and social attention. Instead of being happy for their child, envious parents are ore likely to discount and minimalist their Childs abilities and achievements. These parents lack the maturity to vicariously enjoy other persons good fortune. In their competitive approach to life, a successful offspring threatens their spotlight

Gibson, Lindsey C, 2019 Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents

It was easy after a while though. From about aged 14 I only fed them the essentials. What they needed to know.

Surviving meant finding other people to celebrate with or not bothering.

Hiding.

It meant closing up the feelings. Protecting myself from the inevitable dead end type comments, the cut de sacs of emotional eggshells.

When I knew that it would only be met with a self referential comment, or belittling, or comparing (to herself) , or something that seemed very false (praise), then they didn’t get the good news either.

What she wanted to take from anything, everything I did.

Over emotional if I did something wrong, Belittling or killjoy if something went well, or would want to take from it for herself.

Maybe I did the text book thing, given that:

Under these conditions, children of envious or jealous parents might learn its better to hide their talents or stay out of the spotlight so as not to tempt a put down from a competitive parent. Due to their parents envy and jealousy, success can be an ambivalent issue for these adult children

Gibson, 2019, pp52

Surviving Psychopathic parenting meant shutting down the good stuff too, knowing that it would be taken and used to meet her needs, or reveal her needs. Then I would feel guilty for being successful, or respond to that neediness.

I wouldn’t say they were overly competitive, or maybe I didnt see it, but parasitic yes.

Ultimately they only saw themselves, so it was easier to try not to be seen.

But on other occasions it was just that knowing that having a smile on my face after being somewhere, or with someone, or doing something I enjoyed was about to be shot down. So there was no conversation.

And equally, if she found out, they’d be trouble too. Or ‘He never tells us anything’ – as if theres no awareness of why they wouldn’t have been told.

It meant learning to hide. Hide the treasure of the good parts of my life.

Protect myself, and protect the memories, and protect those good bits.

Thank you for reading, do like and share with others who you think might find this blog or the website helpful, parts 1-13 of my story are in the menu above.