Healing started with me…

I was ok

It’ll be ok

Ive always survived

Ill get through this

Another thing to get through

Im ok

But I wasnt

I was hiding

I was pretending to say things were ok

Whilst parts of me were screaming

and wanting me to face them

But ill keep running

or saying things will be fine

or denying

pretending

making myself look as if im ok

My red flags.

My codependancy

My trauma response

My fear

My hiding

Running

That monster is too difficult

Its too big

I don’t want to face it

Id rather avoid

run

I had to change

I had to face the reality

I had to

I

Healing started with me

not trying to run, hide, deny

But to say

I need help

I dont know what to do

I cant do this on my own

I dont understand

What I relied on doesnt work here

Healing started with me.

My insides

That had burned

That I had denied

That were screaming to get out

But id ran from the pain

Healing started with me

the stuff that would mean difficult choices

the stuff that would mean I would have to be real

No

Please dont make me face

that

stop

rest

Healing started with me

Not you, not everyone else

not trying to survive

but realising

that

life

could be different

life was possible

real

feelings

I am

loved

worthy

worth the effort to be real

Me.

Healing started with me.

What did I need ?

Who arrived to heal and carry me?

Love me.

Heal me.

Be actual me.

Healing started with me.