Me and the Colour Purple (Part 9)

Theres a reason why I made the logo to this page purple.

Purple became a healing colour for me.

As a weird coincidence I watched 2 films in the summer before I left the family home for the first time.

One was 12 Years a Slave.

The other was ‘The Color Purple’

Both astonishing films, both moved me to tears.

Both began to help me see something. Just began a tiny bit.

Abuse is sneaky, and so is the controlling slavery of it.

Not easy watching, but good watching none the less.

Fast forward a matter of a few weeks.

In the confusion of having left the family home, and the emotional clouds and fog.

I do have some freedom. Just the tiniest bits to breathe.

I manage to negotiate my own bank account, and even though I’m only in a one day a week job, and no house, but staying at a friends, I have the smallest speck of choice. Having to buy my own food and travel.

I also have a small amount to buy, for myself.

A new duvet, towels as I left with barely anything.

What I noticed was that I started to buy things for myself that were all there same colour.

Purple.

A purple towel

A purple jacket

Purple socks (in and amongst other colourful sock colours)

Purple T shirt

I start to see purple everywhere.

When I chose a fleece for the winter, I chose a purple ‘Tog-24’ one. I still have it.

Purple felt like it became a ‘thing’

Purple.

A cross between the peaceful blue, and the fiery red – that’s what i googled to see if there was meaning.

I had always been blue. Peaceful, compliant, giving, surviving, silent

Red was slowly entering.

Slowly.

My healing colour was the colour Purple.

It was weirdly unintentional at the time, but maybe it was trying to tell me something.

Colour was also returning, from a place of grey and ash.

Blue was almost a default colour, blue was the only way to be and survive, from childhood and onwards. I wasn’t red and fiery, blue pacified. Blue water evaporates with fire, though it can also quench it.

I started to notice the purple. I started to feel more like purple than blue.

I was changing.

I was beginning the tiniest journey then of seeing colour.

Me and the colour purple.