Holding the weight, when the other doesn’t

I was wondering, what are the things we do, when in the midst of abusive relationships, before we realise that it wasn’t actually us?

Therapy is one of them

This reminded me of more….in an abusive relationship, of some of the strong imbalances..

You do the work – for those that wont

You do the thinking – for the one that wont

You show up – for the one that hides

You take the blame – for the one that gives it

You have principles, of truth – for the one who is just out to win

You do the time – for the one who wants easy

You solve and fix – the damage they create

You take on their issues – for the one who demands it

You take on responsibility – for the one who avoids it

You invest in the relationship – for the one who expects it

You respond to their emotions – for the one who projects them

You keep the peace – for the drama that spews from them

You stay the quiet one – for the one who can’t see themselves, making the noise

You remember things – for the one who’s amnesia is selective

You start….eventually… too see….

Yourself, in a way they cannot see.

and

Them, in a way they cannot see either.

That you are more than an extension of their abuse

That all you have dealt with, are tools too for making you strong.

You and I have put up with so much, that its now time to fly.

As a friend commented to me, there are nuances to this, that a short article can never convey, my focus on this is more parent/child abusive relationships, but that doesnt negate the possibility/reality that partner relationships can be very one sided and these binary occur. The adage that ‘they dont change’ unless we do is undoubtedly true, but as you do change, seeing the extent of that weight can start to be released..