What if my Monster only Abused Me?

Maybe I was going to realise this eventually.

For all that I have described the details of the abuse I suffered.

What if it was just me.

What if it was just me, and my family who suffered and experienced the monster. Our Monster.

Because, its very likely isnt it?

Thats the game they play – jackal in public – hyde away in private.

Public persona – just about gets through – unless challenged, unhinged or worked out

Ensuring that the suffering goes on alone.

Ensuring that the suffering isn’t believed

What if it was just me – because thats more than likely – isnt it?

The Family.

They can put on ‘literal’ Sunday best behaviour out there – for an hour a Sunday, or 9-5 Monday to Friday.

Have friends or allies.

Meanwhile – was I the only one?

Was is just my family whose lives were wrecked by her?

I mean – would anyone in their jobs ever see it?

Would they ever make a complaint?

Would they diminish it, or be scared of it?

Would they ever see it – and choose to ignore it?

Triangulated?

Whilst the family suffered?

But thats the thing isnt it

Men who abuse their wives – play a great round of golf, talk the talk,

Women who abuse their husbands – playing the kindly one as teacher, vicar or nurse…or a dominant sales person ready to lie for money

Hiding behind the social norm, that it’s only men who are abusive

Could be the person in your workplace, and you wouldn’t know it

Part of their game, hiding parts of their life away

So, the family know, they’ve felt the scars

We’ve then done the lifelong work, amateur psychologists trying work the monster out, professional therapy patients in recovery, healing with survivors gift

Took us, took me, a long time to realise what it was.

But can they act out a normal living whilst they’ve abused so appallingly? How is that even possible?

The psychopath at large, choosing victims appropriately. Playing the victim appropriately.

Darvo games

Only leaving the obvious trail amongst the unheard, silenced, victims

But leaving a trail elsewhere, that only the aware can spot.

So maybe only the family got abused.

Only the family saw their splintered personality at large

Only the family felt the cold

Only the family were stolen from, emotionally, physically and financially

Maybe it was only just the abused who know the abuser.

The truth has set us free – whilst they lie to everyone else.

So maybe it was just me, just us.

The victims who know and see – who saw and felt

It really cant just have been me?

But what if it was – what if its ‘just’ family.

They couldn’t do that – could they – be so good to get away with it elsewhere?

Or has that trail waiting to be discovered? Has no one come forward? Too scared or terrified?

The shame of being a victim, shame of exposing them, silenced into silence.

What if there are other stories waiting to be told? What if it wasn’t just me?

I wouldn’t know – until one of them was brave. Until one of them got angry, until one of them took a stand, but what if that story is dead? – unable to speak?

Its not possible to be just me – it cant be- can it?

Whats hidden in places, what trail was left behind, what tales behind closed doors never come to the open?

Theres no shame in being a victim of my monster, in speaking out – talk to us, talk to me – I already know. You are not to blame.

It cant just have been me – cant just have been family, can it?

Surely others can see?

Thank you for reading this piece, if you would like to respond to me, do so via my contact details, if you have stories of your own regarding my monster, then I would love to hear from you. Know that I will listen and it was not your fault.