True Courage

Im learning courage

Not the courage to climb, to fight or to be successful

Not the courage to be disliked, or happy

But the courage to listen to the frightened parts of me

The courage to love those parts

The parts of me I hid away

The part of me that hid away those parts

The parts I hid away, in a safe place

The parts of shame and guilt

The hidden needs and wants

The dreams and ambitions

The pains and the joys

I chose to hide them away

Safe, from my abusers

Feelings I hid- not acceptable, not appropriate

Mask truth, lie to adapt, lie to survive

The part of me that hid things

To control, to keep safe.

But now it is safe, for me to love

Love opens the door to let light into the hidden places

Love is gentle

Love is kind

To myself

Feelings, emotions, stories, actions, coping strategies all like lost children hiding in a cupboard, hide and seek, with no seek

Gradually waiting, to be held, loved, to be seen.

This has been the courage I’m learning over the last month, especially, the courage to love and hold my abandoned childhood, to listen, slowly.

One abandoned, hidden, neglected child at a time.