Realising…Its My Life

I thought to myself today

I am loving my life.

I am living my life.

Even on a wet sleety, snowy day in the North East of England.

Then I realised.

If I am living my life now…

Whose life was I living before?

When I lived according to what expectations were placed upon me… whose life was it then?

When I was in fear of making a mistake, a mess, or making someone else upset…. whose life was it then?

When I was worried about what other people would think of me… whose life was it then?

When I was trying to be good.. whose life was it then?

When I was trying to please God, or ‘worship him forever’ or for rewards in the ‘next life’ and not here now… whose life was it then?

When I was to stick to the rules… misbelieving I was going to get praise, medals or acknowledgement for doing so….whose life was it then?

I wasn’t living my life. I wasn’t living. I was just existing.

Existing for the sake of others, and their expectations, their demands, their unspoken rules.

Its taken me courage to see that I can live.

I can live and sparkle.

I have my own story.

I can be who I am, and that this is good enough.

Time to realise that

Its taken a long time for me to see, know and realise..and trust myself..

to know

that I can live my own life.

That I am. Who I am.

And I can be me.

And I am beautiful

Flawed but beautiful. A project on the make.

Its continuously time for me to be me.

Whole me, showing up into the world.

Happy, Free, and totally alive.