Toughen up
You need to stand up for yourself
Wimp
You’re being sensitive
Softy
Pussyfoot
And the ultimate..
Stop being so Gay.
All words Ive heard in my life, some at school, some in places that were meant to be ‘home’.
What did all of these words and names mean? What did they do? What did they communicate as to what is valued.
Especially for me, a Man, A boy, A teenager.
What about the following:
‘You need to have a ‘thick skin’ to work here. Or to be a ____________ nowadays.
And ‘that’ profession, it seems strange to say this about a profession that on the face of it should care about people, clergy, teaching, nursing, social work..
What is being valued here? What does this say about our society?
Who is this all in favour of? What is being left out?
Shall I be honest with you?
Ive struggled to write this piece.
Yet, as you know, ive been able to, or found it ‘easy to’ write about other aspects of my self realisation and awareness journey in the last few years. Including Abuse. Ive come back to the subject of sensitivity in the last month or so. Rereading Elaine Aruns book that I read for the first time 3 years ago, rereading it 3 weeks ago was like new pings going off all over the place, new pieces of my personal jigsaw making more sense, more realisation of how my childhood, schooling and subsequent has been affected by not being able to have my sensitivity valued, though not being able to know or communicate this.
Its as if I fear that admitting being sensitive is weak.
Its as if I then put myself in the ‘snowflake’ ‘woke’ or ‘wooly liberal’ category.
Its as if I then be vulnerable.
But what if?
I am Sensitive.
I am Male, and I am Sensitive.
And it’s been a strength that ive had to hide. But it’s been there, I can tell.
And I always have been. It was what to need to be to survive. And not just me.
It wouldn’t have mattered to retort ‘ no im not gay, im just sensitive’ wouldn’t have helped in the playground. Standing up for bullies hasn’t been about punching my way back, but reporting to the right people. (And then I got bullied for being a ‘tell tale’… honestly.. what is the right thing?)
As I read the book ‘The Highly sensitive person’ by Elaine Arun and ‘Sensitive’ (2023) by Hannah Jane Walker, who writes from current research into sensitivity, and in conversation with researchers and psychologists and those in economics and business too, and an interview with Elaine Arun herself, my head is full of further questions and realisations, questions that might be for the future, and so this might be an introduction to ‘Sensitivity’ and specially being a Sensitive Man.
Would you like to hear more on this?
What insights do you have if you are male and think you might be sensitive?
Has this been something you have struggled to admit?
Could you trust it if you discovered it? Can I?
‘What if the real story of sensitivity is one of profound vulnerability and resilience, care and empathy, Sensitivity is much more every day, much more mythic than we think. Sensitivity is fundamental to who we are, and I think fundamental to where we go next ‘
Hannah Jane Walker; Sensitive (2023)
Maybe it’s time to be proud of being sensitive. Maybe it is for me, maybe it is for you. Time be courageous and dig deep into this strength thats been hiding behind masks and expectations.
What did it feel like to you to listen to your sensitivity, pay attention to that soft voice inside, and care, cooperate and listen, rather than seek to compete, dominate and rule? Is ‘hardness’ a required mask?
Male Sensitivity… let’s talk about it. What does this mean to you?
Has being sensitive been a gift or a challenge for you?
Are you in a job, a community or relationship which values sensitivity?
Do share below, and let’s talk about it.
References;
The Highly Sensitive Person – Elaine Arun (1999)
Sensitive – Hannah Jane Walker (2023)
If you’d like to hear more on this, my recent video shared some of the indicators of sensitivity. Do give it a watch.
James Ballantyne 
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