Broke, but not broken.

But I bet you think you are.

I did.

I thought I was too broken to be fixed

The fear of deep scars caused by abused too much

To afraid to go there.

Too weak to want to

Too afraid of the consequences

Didn’t know what it would take

What it would mean

Then all the soothing tactics when coping.

They would need sorting too.

And they haunted my days like heavy weights.

Thinking I was to blame

Thinking I was broken

Thinking…

I’m too wounded….I don’t want to start facing it

I’m too broken to even face it

I’ll be going alone.

Yet, I had no choice in the end.

Dug deep when everything lost and clawed my way into safety and space.

Turned around after running away for too long.

Turns out I wasn’t broken

Turns out what I considered sin ..was abuse others had done to me

Turns out I had been normalised into thinking surviving was default

Turns out I wasn’t broken, but holding onto things that weren’t mine to hold

Turns out I wasn’t broken, but I had been broken.

Turns out I was light and love underneath

But that had been sniffed out, crushed and stolen from since birth.

I wasn’t broken….but I had been broken.

Yet…I wasn’t broken

Because I didn’t leave the world when suicide tempted me as a child

Or when emotional breakdowns occured in my 30’s

I wasn’t broken.

I wanted a better life.

I wanted to escape

I wanted more

I wasn’t broken, and neither are you.

You are not what someone, or a system has done to you

You are not the weight of others expectations

You are not the mask or the shield

You are not broken.

You just are.

You are light, and love and joy all along

This is your soul, you are breaking to find love inside

And love is withing melting it down

Your own love, you.

You are not broken.

Love is within.

Love is you

You are within.

You are not broken, you are complete within.