I walked on tip toes for a good few years after learning to walk – I must have known the importance of having to stay quiet
When I was told of for sneezing at the dinner table, I learned to sneeze, without making a noise
Dont touch the water when peeing, too noisy
Turn the TV down – I don’t want to hear it – came the voice from the kitchen
Knowing which floorboards were creaky on the stairs, and avoiding them
Helped to know this, so that ‘operation turn bedroom light off’ could be invoked when these same stairs were landed on by those whose noise was constant.
As well as mild, and loyal – being quiet was a survival strategy, don’t make a noise
Dont draw attention….away from the one who’s attention was demanded
Dont touch the piano– unless you’re going to play its properly
I dont want you to learn the violin – ‘I cant bear the sound’
And as for other noises…
No burping or swearing allowed.
No raised voices.
Learning to be quiet – it was the only way.
No shouting, no anger, no aggression
Nothing to upset the monster.
Creeping quietly around the house, hoping not to be found.
Sneaking into the front room, whilst she was in the kitchen.
A parent with a ‘do not disturb’ sign hung permanently around their neck.
This wasn’t because she was working from home with a major investment project – or on the phone to clients – or with friends round – we were an inconvenience, unless useful.
My role every day was to set the video each morning, to record the lunchtime episode of neighbours so we could watch at 4pm after school, so that she could be cooking at that time for when Dad got home. That was the ‘shared’ family moment – watching TV, the rest of the time..
‘Do not disturb’
Quiet toys, lego (get them out one by one, don’t make a mess or a noise)
Trains that didn’t have batteries
Pocket calculators, chess, colouring
Books to read
Toys that didn’t involve anyone else to play with, so I could be on my own, all the time.
Only one person could make a noise, only one person could dominate the sound.
Other noise was a threat.
Challenge it was seen to rebel. So stay quiet.
What happens when you’re scared to make a noise? Utter inhibition.
Learning to be quiet
Learning to stay invisible , except where it was acceptable, on the trophy shelf.
Noise was shameful, noise was disrespectful
Noise challenged, noise rebelled
So to comply, and to be loyal, I stayed quiet. Until I learned
Until I learned how quiet had damaged me, and others around me, until I realised I could use my voice, speak and let my heart rise again.
James Ballantyne 