Ask yourself the question; ‘What book saved your life’?
If you are in anyway spiritual, then it might be likely that a sacred text, the Bible or the Ko’ran might be the book that went some way to saving your life.
But aside from a sacred text – can you name a book that , honestly, saved your life?
Not just a good book, an inspiring book, a book that you’d take on a desert island.. but a book that saved your life? That had that much impact on you, that it literally saved you. Some of the stuff Matt Haig writes has had a profound impact, as has the cartoons of Charlie Mackay – but could you name a book that saved your life?
I could.
It was the first book I read as I started to heal. It was this one
to buy it a link is here
From the very first page, this book spoke in a language that I hadn’t heard before.
It told me about me.
It told me about what I had tried to cope with all my life.
It meant that I wasnt alone.
Nina makes these assumptions about the reader, writing on page 3:
You are an adult child who has one or more self-absorbed parents
You can feel ineffective much of the time in interactions with your parents
You have been given the responsibility for your parents psychological and emotional well being and, either now or in the future, are expected to assume responsibility for your parents physical well-being
You never feel that you have accomplished enough for your parent; what you do never seems to be good enough
You experience numerous difficult situations and interactions with your self absorbed parent
You are searching for ways to minimalist how your parents distressing behaviours and attitudes affect you
You want to intervene to protect those nearest to you, such as your children, from the negative and distressing comments, put downs, criticism and the like that your parent continues to make
Nina Brown, 2015
Now, im not saying that each and every one of these was applicable when I read this book over 2 years ago. Without giving anything away, some very significant things have happened to enable these things to have happened in the last year (which makes looking at this list now, quite remarkable)
But… over 2 years ago, this book saved my life.
It is undoubtedly, direct a book, with an amazing title, one I needed to hear.
It showed me that there were reasons why I reacted in the way I did.
I read it at a time to try and understand why I struggled with conflict. What I discovered was a whole lot more.
It showed me that how ever hard I had tried, it didnt matter.
It enabled me to see myself. It also helped me to assess how I had been treated.
And that it wasnt my fault.
The book has exercises (rate your parents self-absorbed nature), and gives different types of self absorption, as well as then describing the principle ways of responding (fight/flight/freeze) and offering alternatives.
In way some of those details did and didnt matter.
I think though the reason that this book saved me, what what it meant, for me. It meant that I wasnt alone.
It meant that I could be healed
It meant that I didnt have to carry a burden I had unnecessarily carried
It meant that a journey of healing had began.
Maybe the book that saved your life might be a different one. It’s likely to be. Maybe the first self-awareness book you read in the recovery from abuse might evoke the same feelings for you. Not only do I thank the book for what it did, but also thank the person who saw my situation and recognised the patterns and traits, and gave me the book to read.
‘Children of the ageing self absorbed’ by Nina Brown – The book that saved my life.
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