Resisting the urge to understand rather than be self- compassionate.

If you’ve read my last two piece of writing in the last few days you will know that I have shared a little about self compassion, and in particular showing self compassion for my self critical nature.

It would be very tempting for to try and understand the roots of my self critical nature – and that’s exactly what my ‘little professor’ adult thinking self wants to do. Understand.

I could spend a few hours or days on working all this out. To be honest, if you’ve read my story (in the menu above) it wouldn’t be difficult to assess. Safe to say childhood wasn’t a place of praise, support or encouragement (that would lead to big headedness), it wasn’t a place to relax and feel gratitude, but a place of revolving around the needs of the dominant emotionally immature parent (s).

I learned to rely on myself intellectually, and go ‘into’ my head.

Im writing more now on this than I actually was going to. So ill stop.

Because in a real way, understanding the root, has been done already.

I dont need to go back, not this time. Not again.

Im not here to blame.

Ive resisted the urge today, this week to blame, and go back.

Instead.

Ive stayed in the present. Today.

Because self compassion, isn’t about understanding and trying to work it out

Self compassion is being a friend to myself now.

Tending, loving and being gentle with myself now.

Resisting the head knowledge of the root of my critical nature

Instead sitting in the power of the present.

So ive written a whole lot more today, that you won’t see, but that’s for me, tender to myself, friend to myself, loving myself.

Feeling the space around my heart, body and soul for love to be encountered

Warmth of self love, listening to the slow breath

Giving myself respect and reverence. Time and space.

Telling myself that I am enough, that I can relax as myself

I dont need to perform, not even now

Just be, who I am, and not strive for something else.

Not have to prove something. Not have to meet expectations

Embrace the feeling of warmth, resting in the infilling

I dont need to know where it comes from – it was what I needed to do to survive, and that in itself is to be thankful and warm towards.

But now, I can rest, in myself, as I am.

In her chapter on Self Compassion for the Self critical (which ive read, felt and embraced its power four times this week) Radhule Weininger writes:

‘Often as you open your heart, feelings of kindness, compassion, forgiveness and generosity well up naturally and flow outward in widening circles…

Your habit of self depreciation and self reproach can be healed by daring to look inwards and holding your inner experience with understanding, gentleness and care’

Heartwork (2017)

I need not be self investigative, but self therapeutic, giving unconditional positive regard for myself.

Being a friend to myself. What does that feel like?

Being a friend to the present.. here and now

Unlearning the critical learned part, lifting it with warmth

Being at peace with myself

Show up to myself.

Practicing all of these things, day by day, experience by experience, situation by situation. A self compassion path isn’t one towards perfection, but wholeness.