Overthinking: A Tale of Three Walks

The best way for me to describe this is to tell you a story.

Last Sunday morning I had fun with my camera.

But. I had to make a choice to do this.

Because, the previous Thursday I went out, hoping to have fun, a relaxing walk, mixing some bird watching and photography. But for some reason it wasn’t fun. I had got to a point of digesting a few days worth of new knowledge about photography skills and practice and then went out armed with this knowledge.

On a grey uninspiring day. I also went to go nature walking.

There wasn’t much nature, and there wasn’t much of interest. It was a bit bleak.

Here’s a few examples from the day. Grey light mostly.

In short, I got back and felt as though I was trying to do too much.

Rushing. And over thinking.

Was I enjoying the walk..? No.

Was I chasing a bird or moment of nature? Yes

Was I trying to use my camera and look at scenes , sometimes..

Was I trying to practice a new skill, walk and find places, or see nature?

Too much going on. Over thinking.

Anyway. A few moments of fun in the sunset. Nothing is wasted, absolutely.

But I got back and thought id wasted a day, frustrated.

But on Sunday things were different.

I went to a place I had only been once before, HedleyHope Fell, just outside Tow Law, last time I was there it was wet and cold and looked like this:

Though I also realise that this photo doesn’t give any indication of how wet it was that day. Its just a tree. But trust me it was wet here in November.

On Sunday I went, the sun was hazy and out, and I decided that I would solely use the space to walk and try taking interesting photos, try some different angles and settings and just have some fun. I also thought I would take seriously the suggestion that I would tell a story, and the simple story of my photos was that it was me going for a walk.

So, in 8 photos, here’s me going for a walk at HedleyHope Fell.

Im not going to write this 4 days later and make out that I was gliding around the setting, in a beautiful flow of human with camera making beautiful art.. but I can say that I was having fun.

I was lost in the moment, yet present in the moment. Observing landscapes, light and scenes in front of me, trying to look, feel and sense the place.

Being present.

Enjoying myself.

And, I could tell what happened to take me out of this.

A text message , just as I was about to climb up the hill to the car.

A message that took me away from the place, the fun and the enjoyment.

I should have turned off my phone, but I dont do that for emergency sake, and text messages are so rare…so, I

was into thinking again. Panic even.

In that moment I lost presence.

Even breathing and trying to ‘slow down’ I had gone. Only my body remained in the fell, my mind was elsewhere, panic anxiety or whatever it was.

I did have plans to go to a different nature reserve after this one, but instead I faced the challenge, knowing that avoiding it would only make me worry more. Though I had resolved that on my drive back home that the worst case scenario was unlikely. And, it was unlikely. It was and is something I can deal with.

So its all ok.

So in a way I am proud of myself for how I responded and reacted calmly to a situation..eventually.

But what im also aware of is how easy it is for the fun and enjoyment I was having to burst like a bubble.

My flow went, my mind raced, panic, but then gradually logic and calmness did return.

I did go out again later, and I did enjoy an afternoon of sunshine, but what I did on this occasion at the nature reserve, was focus on recovering calmly from the minor stress, walking, breathing and doing the nature thing. Doing one thing at a time. So just outside Darlington at the Burdon Community Woodland, I got these photos.

Maybe not the best photos. But that wasn’t the point.

But it was important for me notice that I had to focus on one thing.

Walking and being in nature is good for me for slowing down, for appreciating connections with the earth. It was what I needed to restore myself. Sitting and waiting for an owl, or the movement of birds slows me down. It was one thing to focus on. It wasn’t the time for me to learn a new skill, a new toy. I needed something different for myself, than I needed in the morning.

Fun in the morning, Slow speed in the afternoon. Nature in attendance.

So, that’s my slightly unwieldy story about overthinking. Im kind of over thinking whether I should even share it, because its probably not that interesting, or enlightening, just me going out for walks and realising when I’ve been present in them or not, and I would imagine that’s just like any one of us.