You gave me eggshells. 
A daily game I couldn’t win. 
Secrets of your stealing I had to hide. 
Damages behind doors
That no one at them time. 
Would know. 

You gave me eggshells. 
Laying them out on the lounge carpet every day.
As I was at school. 
Or in the playground
As you prowled dinner lady of fear. 
Divisive character they said. 
Shorthand for monster. 

You gave me eggshells to walk on
And punishements even if I tried to use my mind to avoid them. 
It mattered not. 
Some days it was easier just take the beating
And keep integrity inside. 
An inner victory. 
Yes. I let you punish me. 
The mess I left on the table. Deliberate. 

You gave me eggshells to walk on. 
Spread around the house
Like the hunter awaiting the baby bunnies to emerge
Snares. Open. Sharp. 
Bunnies trapped in a game of fear. 
Entitlement plays an insecure winning game.
With bunnies collateral damage. 

You gave me eggshells. Yet as my feet adapted to stay safe
Something else was happening. Something bigger grabbed hold of me. 
Despite you. 
The cuts on my feet. The eggshell fragments that seeped into open wounds. 
That burned with torment inside. That cut raw blood, that I replicated with every nail I picked till the blood came out. 

You gave me eggshells. They became a portal. 
A portal into the world before. A dream of a different world. 
With magic, love, care, and affirmation. 
With power, dreams, wonder and imagination. 
Nightmares by night. Escape plans by day. 
A world of what should be came into being. 
You tell me off for being a dreamer. 
You tell me off for being idealistic.
You tell me off for claiming that I desire a perfect mother. 
Projections purposefully putting it back on me. 
When it was all you. 
Spreading eggshells on the floor. 
Cold homeless home. 

You gave me eggshells. They burned inside. 
Then became crystals, from the other side. 
Love awakened their pain. 
Into promises. 

You gave me landmines. I am dynamite. 
You gave me nothing. I became everything. 
You gave me fear. I faced you head on. 
You gave me guilt. She is my friends. 
You gave me suppression.  I am fire. 
You gave me weaponised scripture. The prodigal returned to a bigger home. 
You gave me neglect. I lack nothing. 
You gave me expectations. I live within joy. 
You gave me your orbit. I am the universe. 
You gave me cold. And now I burn warm. 
You gave me your anger. I let everyone see. What you did to me. 
You gave me falsity. I am truth. 

Every burn you gave me, became a power waiting for me to find. 
Lacing my path with torment. 
You gave me destruction. I plant flowers. 
You burned my feet. And now I dance free. 
You gave me prison. I employed bulldozers. 

The Eggshells you spread so I could hardly breathe. 
Alchemised into life. 
As I loved them one by one. 
Fearing the tentacles of your darkness no more. 

You gave me eggshells. Now crystals adorn my feet. 
And I glow. 
What you gave. I alchemised. 
Love is strong. 
And 
Love was with me all along. 

And now I cry. 
Because I know. 
What ive had to do. 
Bravery worn on my baby grow. 
To get to be me here now.