Green Day. Green Lovers.

Travel Day 3. Hamburg. 11/05/2026

I was just in the middle of the fourth mouthful of the most divine detox food at around 3pm this afternoon. Divine. After too much bread, too mach gluten and too much travel snack food. This was glorious.

I could feel my stomach rejoice. There was no need to even try and eat this slowly, every single bite was gently caressed from the fork. Whether it was carrot, quinoa, mozarella or pomegranate. Oh my goodness it was divine.

Then this song came on. Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Green Day:

It was at that moment realised that in my day that my companion had been my shadow, walking with me, just gently. My shadow used to utterly berate me, pour on shame, guilt and should, beat myself up. Today it was a companion. It did want to try and take me to some places, especially if there was a decision to be made about lunch, or a route or a plan, or ‘what to do with 2 hours of time’. But aside from saying no when the subway ticket machines confused me (and I didnt want to pay for a train today, and I could walk), that was a moment of just talking back gently. Regardless of what it was doing, what it wasnt causing me to be, was be present to the me behind it, to be fully present. It was my companion on my city walk.

It talked to me about how the city wasnt as nice as Cologne. It talked to me about what I should be feeling. It talked to me about what is should eat next, or whether I was ready for tomorrows travel day, and if I should buy food, and what to get ready.

My shadow, walking beside me, taking over, not at rest, not being safe, not feeling that theres any sense of trust in the me part of me. My shadows the only the one that walks beside me. I think therefore im thinking, self protection mode kicking in. Being attuned to what’s going on around me as I walked and making judgements all the time. Such is the normality of this, I didnt realise until the song came on.

Love was trying to break through. To make me notice her. She got her way. Just.

The morning started with writing up yesterday. Then I walked in the rain towards the area of the city I needed to be in. On the way I found a lovely place for lunch. I wanted vegetables at least, if they were inside bread it would help, so i succumbed to a bakery on the main road.

Choosing this food, and a coffee. I went to sit down. Facing me was this

So I sat down next to it. And ate the first of the decent meals today.

Yes theres bread here. But Aubergine (Eggplant). Vegetarian spiced chicken. Freaking Green leaves, oh the absolute joys. And a few other things I cant remember. And it was so yummy. But sitting under the table all about Love was just a very held feeling. Especially as I was wearing my Love over fear T shirt. Love does find us in the end, but like the food I was eating this was just the appetiser. Too much too soon makes us sick.

I walked along the harbour, the boats, water. It wasnt really doing it for me. I mostly noticed people taking photos of the boats. Oh and these selectively placed locks on the handrail.

It’s as if Love wants to make itself known in the ordinary places. Amongst the buildings, the structures, the maritime and industrial history. It’s as if Love is where the colour is, especially on a grey day when the sea and sky take the shine off the boats. Purple hearts still shimmer. When I talk with my shadow, I notice that he requires friendship and love, not a berating back. Listen and doubt (the fifth of the 5 agreements), not twist and shout. Love thyself, especially the alongside walking shadow.

What else did I notice today?

Piece of guidance for any UK traveller abroad in Europe. Cycle lanes get used. And not only that, they are so integrated, and so important that they are made to look pretty.

I noticed these lines, as I wandered back from the boats and harbour, into the main squares, and as I got to it. I realised that I was no where near as lost as I thought last night. I just wasnt brave enough to do a left turn instead of a right.

I also realised. Using an old fashioned map is far better for my sense of direction than google maps. I dont care how old school. Maps are by far the best. It turns out I wasnt as lost last night as I thought I was. For, the very thing I was looking for, was only a short left hand turn from where I was. I just wasnt brave last night. Sometimes thats it, bravery is harder when were lost in our thoughts, over thinking, shadow walking and the world seems big. I wasnt lost at all. Just not brave enough. I found it funny. Smiling at myself gently. Best to enjoy myself.

I also realised that city break exploring days are a mix of trying to find places to sit down, and walking between them. Yes there are shops. But I dont do shopping, and trying to do this on a relative daily budget.

The green lovers cafe was next on the day, and the food delight to die for. Just as I was walking away from the town hall, and had three hours to go, I asked the universe for some treasure. I found it, but nearly missed it. The fact that the signage on the outside was in English was so very helpful and welcoming. It is the little things.

Too much choice was almost overwhelming. I could’ve eaten any of it. All vegetarian, all plant, seed, yummy. I stuck it safe with the buddha bowl.

Yet.

My whole body melted into every mouthful.

Yes, so good it gets a second mention today. Green lovers, again Love. But after having had my eyes down on the food for a while, and making some notes. I looked up. Above me as I ate were two angels. Handing each other what looked like a buddha bowl ;-). The Sacred and Sublimeness of healthy food, Spirituality and food coexisting. Sensuality and the body and Reverance, all together. All one. Then I looked up.

It was above me all along. It’s always been about oneness. Fragmentation, and fracturing has done no one any favours. Spirituality is through the body, and sensuality of food is a sacred act. God it was delicious. It was heaven on a plate, well bowl, and also the smoothie too, the body a temple. Feed it with love.

With an hour before my evening activities, i wondered how I would fill the time. The sign on the church was open. And so I went in.

The guide spoke in English. The guide book was also so.

A lutheran church that wasnt bombed completely in the war.

White. Transcendent. 14th C. I didnt feel like doing compare and contrast with Durhams 11th Century cathedral, that would have been my English proud ego kicking in, I let it slide, it didnt come out. I just listened, accepted, and followed what felt a pull to be there.

I was just there, and felt led into the door, and into the peace, the stillness.

Slowly, like the most slowest. I walked to the front. Each step I tried to feel the bones in my feet. I was completely alone, yet completely present, and being home. For those of you who know, church and I haven’t always been friends. But this was going in led, and also with me, walking as me, with loved shadows, present. In Wonder, noticing Love.

The guide said I ‘could go up to the lecture if I wanted to’ I wouldn’t have thought about it had she not said it.

I hadn’t been up one of them since I was 19 and preached in an Anglican Church, terrified. After standing under the altar, looking at the images, the faces in the windows, and feeling both alive, home, and secure in the space. Present in a body, that had just received spiritual food. Present in being full of self love. Love was making her noise loud and clear. Love was here, universe, unconditional love.

I could stand clear. I could stand calm. I could stand in my own truth. I could stand being in wonder, and enjoy being there, and not feel shame nor guilt nor small, nor needy. I could be there and be.

I felt one and home, it was profound.

And then I climbed the steps.

For a few months now ive been reminded about coming away from the edges, the sidelines, the fearful borderlands, and realise that I have a voice, a truth and a light, to come back to the centre. The return from exile, the runaway coming back. So I stood in the lecturn. I breathed and wanted to tell people about the deepest, the soulful, the healing power of love, about how it is strong, how it is real, and how this is what everything else points towards. It was as if that was the stage, and it was waiting for me. I took my time. I felt something so very deep as I stood there.

I then picked up a leaflet, that talked about the reconciliation and nails project, where Coventry Cathedral and this one in Hamburg were joined in a project of reconciliation after the wars, to rebuild and renew the sacred spaces. Reconciliation. The leaflet included these words.

‘That we might not trust in ourselves, but trust in God’

I felt sick.

That was the message I had grown up with. That was the message said to keep people small. That was the message given t individuals from the collective system. But it wasnt meant for that was it. It was meant for the structures and the positions of power, that they might not be corrupted by power and trust in God, trust in Love. It was for those who might not see Love because of structural blindness, and instead love war. Yet, for so long this is said to keep the individuals in dependency and control.

I felt that pain. I cried. I hated the church for what it had done to twist trust and twist Love to cause individuals broken by abuse, to remain silent and small and powerless, or shamed for having self trust at all. Ugh. 

But I needed to cry. Thats what the thing was. Crying is more than ok. I had been transported back from the life and person I had become, powerful, light, love, and given the words that made that feel wrong, or shameful again.

I needed a spirituality outside of the church for so many reasons, and these aren’t to be gone into now. The two can coexist, just sometimes the wording needs a change. If we cant trust ourselves, what’s even the point of doing anything? doesnt make sense. Anyway.

I didnt leave deflated, I left powerful. I felt light. I knew the intention of the booklet, and its audience. It was to the powerful. It was to those who direct wars. It was to those who cant see themselves. It was to the pharaohs of this age and every age. It was pointing upwards, not shaming downwards. I could see it now, but it was there all along too.

I left for a walk and a drink. Not shadow walking. But free.

In the cafe though…..amusingly

I responded in French when the waiter asked me in German. What’s all that about. Sometimes Im concerned even for myself. But I thought you’d enjoy that one. Anyone else do that?

Today I walked 18,500 steps. Thats a good thing. Am spending the evening writing this, like I started this morning, in the hostel, only now theres a group of 70 young people here with all the vibrant energy of youth. Reflecting on my day. Green Day. Green Lovers. The body keeps the score, the body is also the temple.

The atmosphere here, in the hostel is just a bit fabulous. Im not even the youngest person here. People from all over the world, groups, individuals, couples, travelling, adventuring, wonderful staff. Fun, Vibrant. Alive. A Hostel as the passing places of million and one chances of people on first journeys, and people on their last. Transitory community.

So today, lots of love, and lots of eating nice food.

But no trains. No, not trains at all.

Well….not unless you include this little lot ;-)

The pictures tell the story of the trains. They dont tell the story of how busy it was, even on a Monday evening. But lots of trains, over three levels, cities and countries represented in full, in the most articulate detail. Airports, funfairs, water, people, and lots to enjoy watching. The biggest minature railways in the world, and you can see the control room, and them building a whole new area. Very very cool. Book ahead. I was the 302,562nd person from the UK to be there. The team here are building an equivalent in London. My little boy was enjoying himself.

With an evening ticket I half expected it to be dark when I left the building. It wasnt.

It was the first time all day the sun was out. Glowing the city streets in sunshine that I hadn’t seen in the 24 hours in Hamburg. Id barely seen the sun since I left Cologne.

Light and reminders of love continued for me on my way back to the hostel.

There is always light, there is always love.

And the same place I was in last night, now had radiance, and a water fountain that touched the clouds.

Love reminders on shop windows.

Have I loved Hamburg, like I did Cologne. No. They are very different. Did I see Hamburg at its best in the sunshine, did I walk its streets in best headspace, no. But I walked none the less. I lived it for a day. I was here, and me and my shadows walked around.

Thank you to CW and JJ who bought me drinks today. Coffee under the love sign, and this double espresso. Even the buscuit with a different spelling was a message. Thank you for the gifts of love. I dont walk alone. Thank you. I am truly blessed and grateful. Thank you.

Thank you for reading.

Tomorrow is a travel day. A new country awaits, and one that has a special significance for me.

But breakfast wasnt without an unexpected visitor, a visitor that inspired this piece: The name of my shadow. https://jamesballantyne1.substack.com/p/the-name-of-my-shadow?r=2ac1fr

If you would like to buy me a coffee, that will probably be on the train, the link is here, thank you.

James, heres a train based coffee for you on day 4