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I need to treat myself, like I do my sourdough starter. That fresh flour, clean new green grapes and warm water all combined Stirred in a bottle Waiting for the reaction. Excitement builds as the bubbles emerge as its kept in a warm place. Is it ready , is it ready to be used? And…
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I realised this week that I’ve been able to breathe for 2 years now, these were the first two years I’d been able to breathe in my whole life I remember when I walked into the flat 25 months ago and being emotional in front of the estate agent. Realising that this was going to…
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Hell wasnt the place I thought it was Not the fire out there But the fear in here. Not eternal damnation, but present accusation, wasn’t the future to be avoiding, but present shame and loathing. Hell wasnt the place I thought it was for I was already alone, Where there was already taking and destroying.…
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I was convinced I was adopted. Or at least, thats what I often kept telling myself, when I pondered things as I walked home from school or time in my bedroom. Im nothing like my parents, I think different, I am different. I cant be theirs. I think I even asked them once, only for…
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But its rude to say it Just say it No, it sounds wrong Just say it I can write it down Say it James You mean its ok to Yes, just say it James. It feels uncomfortable, ill get into trouble No you won’t, Just say it, get it out Why do you want me…
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I want, doesn’t get I had to get that spoiled child out of you Its not ‘I want’ its ‘I would like’ or ‘Please may I have’ Said my parents on a regular basis, for most of my early childhood. I was a spoiled toddler, thats what I was told. A couple of my previous…
James Ballantyne 